Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Where Have You Been?

Remember that time that I used to be a "blogger"? I use that term loosely because I realize this was mostly was an online journal, part self-help, part warning, part talking out loud... it played a lot of parts for me. That was 5 years ago!!!! I have missed it. I didn't know how much until I sat down today. Now I want to cry tears of joy, that it is still here and didn't somehow disappear with me.

In those five years a lot of things changed:

We had a baby after 40 - May 2016
Job change - December 2016
We put our our dream home up for sale - July 2017.
Job change - July 2017
We moved out of state - January 2018.
We patiently/not so patiently waited for that house to sell - May 2018.
We rented, and then bought again - October 2018

And something pretty magical happened, although it didn't feel very magical at the time. As I read back through some of the blog posts right before I disappeared from this blog, I knew something was getting ready to shift and I didn't know what. Five years later, I can clearly see what was happening. I was shifting.

Call it a metamorphosis, transformation, conversion.... whatever it was a new me was born, and I emerged better, stronger, more capable, and more in control that I ever was. Let me be clear it was  very uncomfortable and didn't happen overnight. But momentum was building, and change was happening.

The summer of 2015 we celebrated my 40th birthday in Hawaii. It was pretty magical:-) During that trip we laid on the beach, read books on the balcony overlooking the water, ate shaved ice, hiked beautiful trails, ate more delicious food, and talked a lot about the future and what it would look like.

Consider yourself warned. Conversations of this kind have serious consequences. You will see.

It was the kind of conversation that requires being removed from work. For him, that was removed from the hospital. For me, it was removed from the home and kids. The kind of conversation where you can dream and think bigger than you ever allowed yourself to dream.

At the end of that conversation it was apparent that my husband's current job was not going to be the vehicle for living out the career of his dream.

We were at a tipping point. It was do or die. If he was going to pursue his dream it would mean changing jobs and fairly soon.

And remember that conversation, I am pretty sure that is how we ended up with a surprise baby!

I had a really hard time with that unexpected pregnancy at 40! I mean really hard time. When I found out I didn't talk to my husband for a few weeks, and even when I did start talking to him it took a while to get back to normal. It was rough.

I am embarrassed by the things I was thinking and feeling towards him, about what was going to happen, and how this was totally unfair to me. Our youngest at the time was 5 years old. We were out of the baby/toddler/pre-k phase and entering the holy land. Or at least that was the plan.

Well-laid plans?

Turns out everything happens exactly as it is meant to be. And looking back I can absolutely see it. This month our beautiful daughter turned 3. We are potty training, again.

The last 5 years have been difficult, beautiful, terrifying, turbulent, amazing, miraculous, and inspiring. Part of what made it so amazing, is not what happened to my husbands career, but what happened to me.

You see, after that initial surprise of the baby wore off and I began to accept what was going to be, I started thinking about all sorts of things. Like how can something that is so unwanted turn out to be the very thing you need? How can it be both?

I started listening to mentors that I now call friends. People who were talking about things I never considered possible before. They explained how what I thought was the worst thing was all in my thinking. That the reason I see it as the very best thing now, is just because I choose to see it that way. And my mind exploded. What else was I thinking that could be wrong? Turns out a lot of things.

After a year or so soaking up all the goodness I could find, listening to podcasts, reading books, joining coaching programs, workshops, etc. I felt myself become alive again. I decided in the midst of moving to another state that I would become a Life Coach and help teach other people how to live their best life.

For the past year I have been a student at The Life Coach School. I am a Certified Professional Life and Weight Coach. I think I have always been a life coach, I just didn't know it. I think this blog helped me discover who I am, what I am capable of, and that letting it go for 5 years was the way it was supposed to be.

So what is next?

Well, I'm glad you have read this far and want to know. That's funny, because I don't even know if people still read this blog. Just in case.

I am working on a new website/blog. It will be up and running in July 2019. This blog has been amazing for me, but I am different now and my blog needs to change with me. Not just a tune up but a completely different blog to reflect who I am now.

My goal there will be essentially the same as it was here. To connect and share information with the women that I love. I can say I love you because anyone who travels this medical journey as far as we have, or will, is my sister.

I will be sure to post the link when it goes live. Thank you for being a reader of my blog and for supporting me, sharing your stories, and letting me be a part of your life. I am back.


Thursday, June 26, 2014

This Is What Procrastination Looks Like

I love frolicking in procrastination and anxiety, don't you?

I have a big birthday party at our home this weekend. Today is Thursday and I've managed to not:

  • clean the bathrooms
  • change the sheets
  • wash the windows
  • sweep the floors
  • vacuum the carpets/rugs
  • pull the weeds
  • spread the mulch
  • spray off the patio
  • make a grocery list
  • order the balloons
  • decide what to feed the group
  • surely there is something else
And I can't even remember what I forgot! I am procrastinating that too.

The point is, I don't know what I am going to do with 40 people this weekend for four hours. So instead of working it out, I am biting my nails and surfing the Internet. I've already located friends from high school, checked the news online twice, feed my kids cookies for breakfast and popcorn for lunch, read every semi-interesting email and article from Facebook, thought about signing up for Twitter, read blog posts and basically haven't moved a muscle. 

I am paralyzed. This is my family. My husbands family. Close friends. I shouldn't feel this much pressure. I know it is just me. If it were just a 4 hour party that would be one thing, but some of these people are coming from out of town and are going to stay with us on Friday night. I will have 11 additional people in my household for 24 hours. I don't trust my nieces and nephews to not break a window or tear plants out of the ground, or general respect our home. We don't have enough places to sit comfortably and the flooring is tile. It's too hot outside and there is no where to sit outside. 

I like to procrastinate and fret in solitude and now doing it here is even starting to feel uncomfortable.

I am not a party person. I don't like hosting them. Sometimes I don't even like going to them. I felt obligated in a since to have one and so am using one event to kill all the birds, summer birthdays and housewarming in one. I put way to much pressure on myself and it results in these moments of complete procrastination and performance anxiety. This is the first time we will have hosted an event in our new home.

It's a party. No one is going to care if its too hot, too hard, and not just right. It isn't the end of the world. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I am going to ponder a little further about getting out of this chair and getting to work. 


Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Dead Bird House

This is the time of year when the blogosphere is in full moving swing. Everyone in medicine moves in June. It is a fact of life. But, I bucked that tradition and moved months ago and just waited until June to officially declare it as so. I am no longer tied down to medical school, residency, or fellowship. I am free to make my own terrifying decisions about where to live and when to move. Take that medicine!

Back to our move. We were going to name our new home something beautiful and grand, like Twelve Oaks, but that doesn't exactly describe it. The name it wants to be called so badly is the Dead Bird House. It is what it is.

We live in a glass house. The birds don't know what glass is. Dead Bird House.

I washed the windows. They need to be washed again. We have two bird "imprints" already. At least 4-5 times a day we hear a "thud" that makes me think something has fallen off the wall. Four birds have already passed from this life and on to bird heaven before their time. It is a problem that I don't know the remedy for. The house is already here. It isn't a mobile home that we can pick up and move. I can't send a message to the birds to change their flight path. Are they trying to run me out of town? What do I do about the birds?

Currently we are nursing back to health (at least I think that is what we are doing) a small bird that smacked into our window earlier today. We thought it was certainly dead. On it's back, feet in the air, twitching a little.

What is the humane and moral thing to do?

Do I take a shovel and put it out of it's misery?

Do we just watch it suffer? We can all see it from the living room!

Do I move it so it can suffer alone and leave us in peace?

All of the above sounded so callous and wrong. In the end I decided to take the kids for a ride and see if the bird wouldn't naturally pass. See what I just did. Ignore the problem and distract.

When we can home an hour later the bird was upright, but not moving. I mean seriously not moving. What kind of bird would just sit and let four children gather around without twitching? I warned the kids to not touch the bird. Something about once you touch it the bird will smell like you and the other birds will peck it to death. I have no idea if that is true, but it sounds like something I heard once.

I can't be responsible for a bird dying that way. Pecked to death by it's family.

So the bird is upright. I bring out a shallow plate and put some water in. It is summer after all, and surely birds get thirsty too. I put the dish right up against the bird and it didn't move. I don't know if it has had anything to drink. I think it moved it's head, but I don't know how much longer the poor thing has to live.

Every few minutes I look over hoping that it will recover and fly away to live happily every after. I don't want to think about the alternative.


Friday, May 30, 2014

STILL - A Review and Giveaway!!!!

When one of our own faithful Medical Monday participants writes a book she deserves a celebration, or in this case a post all about her.

Congratulations Eniola Prentice on the release of your first novel: STILL!

A few weeks ago she sent me a copy of her debut novel STILL to read and review. I was hopeful but skeptical. I had been a beta reader for another author once before. Thankfully, this turned out to be a  much more enjoyable.

Eniola does a wonderful job blending the story of medical school with the very compelling stories of each of her main characters. Although I didn't attend medical school myself, I was able to commiserate with the non-medical significant others and the complexities of maintaining relationships both romantic and familial.

What I love is that her book gave me the same "I have to know what happens" feeling that my favorite books do. I cared about her characters. I wanted to know what tragic event tied two of the characters together. I wanted to know how the characters would redeem themselves, if it was even possible. And like my favorite books she left me wanting to know more. Now I have to wait for the next release. Maybe I could convince her to tell me what happens in the next book if I promise to keep it a secret:-)

As an added bonus I learned a little about the Nigerian culture and wish I had some Nigerian friends to share some of the amazing food and drinks she writes about. Well done, and thank you for letting me be one of the first to read your debut novel! I wish you much success on your next installments.

The book STILL by Eniola Prentice is available now! You can get your own copy at Amazon today:-)

You can also follow Eniola through all the usual social media outlets: her blog, facebook, twitter (#still), and Google+.

Now for the Giveaway!!!

To celebrate the release of her debut novel Eniola is giving away a signed copy of her book and a $40 gift card. The winner will be announced on her blog on June 17th and notified by email. The giveaway is open to residents of the United States and Canada.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The following is the back jacket summary of her book STILL and a little about the author herself.

When self-proclaimed atheist Fadesola, gets into medical school she believes that it’s a fresh start of sorts for her. Until she discovers  her class mate is charming and handsome Tayo Smith, a man she encountered in a violent moment years ago. This revelation shatters Fadesola’s already fragile emotional state but hope comes where she least expects it. A seemingly innocent friendship with Tayo’s friend, Ladi, slowly develops into a smoldering relationship with both afraid to acknowledge their mutual feelings. Things get even more complicated when Nikky, Fadesola’s classmate and friend, ignores her desperate warnings and decides that Tayo is the man she is meant to be with. However, within the complexities of this friendship these flawed individuals will experience God’s redemptive grace in a setting each believed his love would never find them. Still, the first book of a four part series is a coming of age story about navigating through medical school in the first year, complete with hilarious hook ups and breaks ups, legendary parties and incessant studying, and experiencing the triumph of success and disappointment of failure.
Eniola Prentice, in her extraordinary debut novel has written a gripping and thought provoking story that examines Christianity, mental illness, suicide and alcoholism.

Eniola Prentice was born in Lagos Nigeria where she began to pen her stories as early as nine years old, inspired by an eclectic group of writers. Her budding writing career was put in the back burner as she pursued her dream of becoming a medical doctor, completing her undergraduate degree in Chicago, Illinois and her medical degree in Washington, DC. However in the third year of medical school inspired by the holy spirit or the voices in her head (she would prefer to blame God for this one) and the unique and inspiring stories of friends that became her family in medical school she began to write her debut novel and series, Still. She hopes that her writing compels challenges, inspires people and draws people to the Christian God’s redeeming love.

Congratulations again Eniola on this amazing accomplishment and best of luck as you complete the series.


Tuesday, May 20, 2014

An Observation of Sorts

I've have always believed that when you no longer take pleasure in things that once gave you pleasure something must be wrong. Isn't that one of the warning signs of depression? But maybe there isn't anything wrong at all, other than believing that what makes you feel fulfilled and productive today will always remain constant.

I fully embrace the concept of seasons. There are seasons for everything. Some seasons last a few weeks, others years or decades. The tricky thing is we never know how long a particular season will last.

Some seasons are marked by very specific life events: weddings, births, graduations, etc. They are shared with others and make vivid impressions on our time lines.  Others come into view quietly and fade so slowly you hardly realize they have passed until they are gone and you can no longer remember when or how it started.

You wake up one morning and find your routine has changed without even so much as a conscious thought on your part. What you used to do, you no longer do. It happens just like that.

I feel it, right now, at this very moment. A season has passed. Its not good, or bad. It just is.


Monday, May 5, 2014

Medical Mondays Announcement

Ladies and gentleman, yes we have a few gentlemen in our ranks, in certain parts of the country summer is beginning. In other parts tornado season is just getting started. And in others freak snow storms are still stirring. I haven't made a practice of watching the local news so I only know what my thermometer tells me. Things are changing.

Regardless of where you live and what the weather is like one thing can be certain it is the month of May. Almost half way through the year 2014. Unbelievable.

Before we get into this months link up, Emma and I would like to thank you for your support and participation in our monthly online event. We have looked at our schedules and priorities over the summer and have concluded that we will postpone the monthly link up for the months of June, July, and August.

Don't worry, we will still be blogging here and there but committing to this particular event is one of the things we both feel we must temporarily suspend.

May Medical Monday Link-Up and BlogHop

Are you confused if you qualify for the party?

If you have a pager interrupting your life... you DEFINITELY qualify!
Do you work in healthcare?
Doctor? Nurse? EMT? Chiropractor? Vet? Dentist? Therapist?
Are you the spouse or SO of a healthcare worker/student?
Are you a nursing student? Medical student?
Intern? Resident? Fellow?

You get the picture, right? Come on, now... don't be shy! Let's keep growing and meeting new bloggers, so we can build a community of support and friendship, learn from one another, and share our stories.


Here are the rules:
  1. Follow your co-hosts via Bloglovin, GFC (if you are Blogger), FB, email or Twitter.
  2. Link up you medical/med life blog. If your blog name does not clearly state how you fit in to the med/med life world, please write a little intro or link up a specific post which clearly demonstrates your connection.
  3. Visit at least 3 other link ups, comment, introduce yourself, and tell the your stopping by or following from MM!
  4. Help spread the word by using our button on your post or sidebar, tweet about Medical Monday, or spread the word on Facebook! The more the merrier for all of us.
Complete step one by following your co-hosts:
Want to be awesome? Help us spread the word by grabbing and posting the Medical Monday button on your post or sidebar...

Want to co-host next month? Shoot Jane an email at fromadoctorswife@gmail.com and be sure to write "Medical Monday Co-host Request" in the subject field.

Now, link up below and have fun! The link up is open through Friday, so be sure to come back during the week to check some great reads!