Nap time is the NEW Happy Hour

A friend of mine had a post of this same title a few years ago. I can't remember a thing about the post, I remember the title and that there was a book with the same name. I haven't read it. I don't need to read it to know it is TRUE!

When you are doing the family thing alone, (and you know I am, you probably are too) any moment of quiet time is seized upon like the last bread stick in the basket at Olive Garden. As a mother I feel guilty saying that my favorite time of the day is when the kids are in bed. It is true.

Now that my kids have gotten older, nap time isn't what it used to be. Only one of my children naps during the day, and I protect that nap with my life. When they all napped I was like Hallelujah! Those two hours mid-day is just what I need to maintain my sanity. I am a little less sane these days.

I wish I could get my children in bed earlier! I have followed the counsel of Dr. Mark Weissbluth the author of the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" for all four kids! I am pretty sure he has saved my life, or in the least gave me permission to not feel guilty about putting my kids in bed.

During medical school and residency it was tempting to keep the baby(s) up so they could see dad when he came home from school/work. But in the end it just made the kids grumpier and mama bear ready to show some teeth. Armed with Dr. Weissbluth's wisdom I could put the kids down guilt free, and enjoy a moment or two with DrH when he got home.

Some days the kids wouldn't see their dad. But it was a gamble keeping them up.... they might not see their dad anyway and I would have tired and grumpy kids to deal with. It wasn't a gamble I took very often.

Dr. Weissbluth is an advocate for early bedtimes for children. I would love to have my kids in bed by 7:00 pm. And once upon a time they used to be. Those were the days!

Now, thanks to things like Daylight Savings Time and Summer - that darn sun that never sets early enough to give the right cues, it is more like 8:00 pm. I really need it to be 7:00 again. Even better would be 6:30 pm.

I love that he is very scientific and has graphs and charts in his book. He suggestions (and I wholly agree) that children who are well rested learn better, behave better, are more sociable, and have happier mothers (I added that last one, but I am sure that he would agree). I have some great kids - I can say that when they are in bed:-)

When I read his book, I tell myself the title is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Mommy". If I don't sleep.... oh, it is bad. When my children don't sleep, it is bad. When we both don't sleep well enough - you'd better watch out, it is going to be a rough day.

If you have a baby, toddler, preschooler, or school aged child this is a great book and I highly recommend it. I have read it with each of my children and re-read sections of it periodically as we are experiencing changes in our sleep routines. I can tell when my kids haven't had enough sleep, and when I haven't too. Sleep is a big deal!

We just had a rough day. They need to sleep. I need to sleep. Goodnight.

The Delivery Boy

This is totally random, but it struck me as profound when I realized it.

My DrH and I were sitting on the couch watching the comedian Jim Gaffigan on Netflix. He is seriously funny, and his humor isn't raunchy. I don't like raunchy. He does talk an awful lot about food so I immediately feel a connection with him.

Jim (my funny friend who likes to talk about food) was doing a bit on how people order food from their favorite place and have it delivered, but how good can it be if we are too lazy to go get it ourselves ...yadda, yadda. It was funny, I am not funny - go check him out.

I looked at my husband and asked very seriously if we had ever ordered food and had it delivered. The answer was NO. I am in awe that in 8 years we have never, ever, had food delivered to us. Not a pizza, not Chinese, nothing. We do eat out, but we go pick it up. We have never even had a discussion contemplating whether we should have something delivered. The thought hasn't even crossed our mind!

That is the ultimate in cheap. No tip, no delivery fee.

I am feeling like I may need to order something just to say I have! As I write that sentence I realize at the present moment that would be completely ridiculous. We have a pizza place less than a mile away.... that would be the ultimate in lazy. I'll have to wait for a time to make it really worthwhile. Who am I kidding, I probably won't do it.

Happy 1 Year!

How did I miss this very important milestone. This blog is a year old!

It has been a CRAZY year. Husband started chief year, prepares for fellowship, we have a baby, sell a house, move cross country twice, live apart for two months - some pretty significant events in such a short period of time, and it just keeps on coming.

I feel like I need to add a disclosure somewhere (and maybe I will) that posts written between such and such date need to be read with those events in mind. Any one of those could incapacitate a person and I may have been a little crazy:-) Shhhh... no comments on how I might still be crazy.

I started this blog as a private adventure on May 5th so I wouldn't explode, and can't remember when I removed the private setting and went public (although anonymous). I know it was sometime later that month, but since I can't recall with certainty I am celebrating today.

I find it absolutely amazing that anybody even reads this! I am glad you do. Thank you. To date this blog has had over 15,000 page views, and I know they can't all be mine. Many of you have followed my blog from its infancy, added it to your blog rolls and suggested it to friends. You have left comments that lifted my spirits and reminded me that even while feeling alone, we are never alone. I consider each of you my friend and confidant.

Here is to another year. I wonder if fellowship will gives me something to write about:-) Stay tuned!

The Party Don't Start Until I Walk In

I am a stickler for timeliness. In some situations I would rather not show up at all then show up late. I make a conscious effort to be on time for everything.

When someone says 5:00 I am there at 5:00. Not 4:55 or 5:10, but 5:00. This has often been a source of frustration in my marriage. I just assumed that DrH wasn't as concerned with time as I was, and faulted him for his lack of interest in being on time. I find it rude to be late. He doesn't think anything of it.

I am sure the people at church have thought that the reason we are late sometimes is because I am getting all done up. I like to look good, but I give myself plenty of time. Often it is my husband who isn't ready when it is time to go. 

I pride myself as being somewhat of a genius when it comes to time. I can estimate with a high degree of accuracy how long something will take, how soon we will arrive somewhere, etc. It even impresses my husband. I am so good I can even translate his "I'll be home in 15 minutes" into real time. It is never 15 minutes.

As we were getting ready to close on our house I had made arrangements for us to be at our attorney's office at 3:00 to sign a Power Of Attorney. It was 2:45 and my DrH wasn't even dressed. He was in between cases, but had been home for at least an hour, and was headed to clinic right after signing the papers. He had plenty of time to get ready, he just choose to do something else.

Since we were taking two vehicles anyway I left so that at least one of us would be there on time and I would try to explain my husbands absence if it was necessary. Wouldn't you know I got to be the one waiting and he walked in just as she is pulling the papers out for signatures. It took me 15 minutes and he waltzes in for 45 seconds.

A few days later he was able to summarize his position on time. "Nothing starts until I get there". Oh my goodness - he has turned into a surgeon! In his field that is right. It doesn't matter when he shows up, they can't start without him, so he gets there when he gets there. Nothing ever starts on time in his world. Not because he is the one holding things up, but because there are numerous other variables that determine the actual start time of a case. Rather than showing up on time and having to wait, he just goes late expecting to walk in and get started! 

As a surgeon I understand that his time is valuable, and that waiting is not the best use of his time. The problem I have is that his attitude has trickled down to every other event that has a predetermined start time. I am glad that I understand his view of time as a mere suggestion - but I am having a difficult time reconciling it with my view of time as a manifestation of good manners and polite social behaviors.

Maybe I will have to start employing the "little white lie" strategy adding an extra 30 minutes to every event. Yes, dinner is at 4:30 :-)

My Family

It isn't fair to compare my family to my husbands family.

For starters, mine is larger and 3 of my 4 siblings live within 45 minutes of my parents. The siblings who live here have 14 cousins for my kids to see compared to two on my husbands side.

My parents are significantly younger and they live in a small town, unlike my in-laws who are in a metropolitan area and 15 years older.

When we visit my parents we share their home, their meals, their late night talks, and their errands. When we visit my in-laws we miss out on all of those things (because we don't stay with them, we stay in their guest house 25 minutes away).

We haven't done anything spectacular while we have been with my parents. We have done the every day stuff that makes you feel like you are part of a family. We have watched my nieces t-ball games, cleaned my sisters kitchen, celebrated a birthday, went to a school carnival, shopped at Wal-mart, rearranged furniture, ate ice cream, talked, watched late night tv, etc. We have shared a part of their life, or rather they have let us share a piece of their life.

This is what I have wanted all along. Nothing planned, nothing scheduled... just being together. This is what I was missing when we were with my husbands family. This is what we have been missing by living so far away!

Oh, I am well aware that this is really just the honeymoon period. We have only been at my parents for two weeks and have 3+ more to go. Overall, I think I have it pretty good in the family area. Ask me again in another month, I may have changed my mind.

Living close enough to be together for little things and the big things would be wonderful. It is one of the criteria we will certainly consider in our job ongoing job search. Sadly, there are others that trump family, but I am hopeful we can find something close enough to make time with our family more than just a yearly occurrence. I want my kids to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins!

Copy Paper Gifts

Because I took a large chunk of time off from blogging I realized that I missed some topics that I wanted to cover. So I am going back in time.

We celebrated our anniversary a couple of months ago. It coincided with our house hunting trip so technically we had a lavish celebration staying in hotels and eating out for a long weekend.

If you recall I purchased my husband a hard back copy of Harry Potter volume one. Romantic right? But I never followed up with what he got me!

For a long time I have wanted a matching diamond band to wear with my engagement ring and wedding band. We have never had the money to buy one... there was always something else we needed. More specifically, there was always something else that the house needed. Darn home ownership! (Yep, I could have bought lots of diamonds without that house:-)

This year I was surprised! There was a small bag with a small jewelry box inside. Can you guess what was in the box?

There was a picture of the ring that I want. It wasn't even a color copy but a true to size photocopy of the ring that I would like.... one day. He successfully convinced the jewelry store to make the copy, give him a bag and box, and they even threw in chocolates:-) He must have told him that he was a poor resident and that one day he would be a full fledged doctor who will be buying diamonds (I hope). How many husbands would go through that kind of trouble for a photocopy gift? He also took my rings in to have them cleaned so they were sparkly and new for our anniversary. So sweet.

For all of our married years we have at one time or another given "IOU" gifts. They are really sweet, and because it is the thought that counts it feels almost as good as getting the real thing. I cherish the gifts that he would have purchased if he could have. I know our time is coming to an end (finally!), and that shortly we will have the means to purchase the real deal. Knowing that makes me a little sad. Just a little.

When you don't have much you use your imagination and get creative. I hope we can keep a little of that as we move through the next chapters of our more potentially prosperous life. Here's hoping medicine is still a profitable career choice when we have a paycheck!

Super Secret Identity Spoiler

Clark Kent has Superman.

Peter Parker has Spiderman.

Bruce Wayne has Batman.

What do I have in common with this totally awesome group of male comic book heroes? Mystery. They each have two different persona's. One is their every day, nose to the grind stone, average, nothing extraordinary self. The other is their all out, fearless, defender of truth and right "secret" self. They can do what they do because no one knows who is doing it.

I only saw the movies and never read the comic books. From that brief knowledge of super heroes  I know that they save the revelation of their true identities until the very end when they kiss the girl and take off the mask.

My story isn't over yet! I like to think I am just getting started, and it's only fun if I can pretend that my identify is still somewhat secret. The mask is still on and until I am ready to take it off, no one is getting kissed! 

What I love so much about this blog is that it is real. It is my reality. I am not trying to sugar coat what is happening because I want you to think that I am awesome, or because I want your pity. If you don't know me there can't be any pretense, or exaggeration. I can tell it like it is without wondering what people will think of me as a person with a name. It also allows me to shield the identity of my husband as he is embarking on his career. Thus, no name.

I have a pretty smart group of readers, that much is obvious. I may have tipped some of you off inadvertently, or slipped up and you caught me. Leaving clues has never been in the plan, and I'll have to pay more attention. I am sorry that the element of anonymity has been spoiled for you. 

A friendly reminder to all those who have guessed correctly and incorrectly in the past: Play along for now, please. If you need me to know that you know... you can send me a message that I will neither confirm or deny:-) I will delete blog comments that include my name or appear to be identifying me in any way. It makes me sad to do that, because I love comments - just not ones that (intentionally or accidently) try to attach a name to the author.

One day, when the time is right I will post my complete bio including name, height and weight. Maybe not weight.