This blog is posted anonymously, that will never change. I talk about my husband (he knows what I do), and I talk about my family and his (they don't), and I spill secrets (mostly mine) as they relate to our life during residency, fellowship, and what I hope to be a very happily ever after. This is the honest, sugar-free version of our life. I don't ever want to think about what I post in terms of who will be reading this and what they will think of me. I am not out to win a popularity contest. Although it does make me happy when people read my blog and communicate with me.
This blog is where I binge and purge all. Sometimes it is ugly, but it is always real. To spare the people I love scrutiny from the entire world, I keep their names and mine the one secret I will never reveal. I had visions of my husband going to get his first professional job (you know the one he has been working towards for the last 16 years) and upon doing a background check his employer finds out that his wife has a blog where she dishes on everything. They could be next. And heaven forbid he should ever want to be the next President of the United States! (He doesn't want to be)
So, my blog friends, you can call me Jane. Just Jane.
I thought in some ways that I had lucked out, having missed the first 3 years of medical school married to a student. I understand from others that the first two years are rough, especially compared to the last two. I was ill-prepared for life as a residents wife. I don't think many blogs existed in 2006! Because I had missed out on most of the medical school years, I also missed out on the camaraderie of other medical school wives. I didn't have anyone to ask about what it might be like, or anyone to share my trials with. I didn't know what to expect! If I didn't know, how was I supposed to get any support from my family or friends that didn't know? My guess is that you wouldn't know what to expect either. You might hear bits and pieces but until you are in the trenches you have no clue. Isn't that the truth with everything in life? This is my honest attempt at explaining it, the unfiltered truth.
Why start a blog now? Residency is almost over. I've survived 5 of the 6 years I should be doing the happy dance. But, last night while I was waiting for my doctor to return home, from what would ultimately be a 16 hour day (he wasn't even on call), I started searching the web for info related to the life of a doctor's wife on a whim. I found articles describing the resident lifestyle, and common personal problems. It's not surprising that divorce rates in residency aren't good. One report suggested that 33% of married residents in surgical programs will divorce. Maybe that explains why so many in our program are not married, and why many of those who are don't have children.
Why another blog about the lives of residents wives? I need a place to vent, blow off some steam, manage my insanity, and help get me through these last years. For the past 5 years I've been telling myself if I could just make it to the 6th and final year I would survive. The finish line has just been moved, and we're doing a fellowship.
Since I started blogging in 2011 I have connected with women just like me (and you) and some that are the version of myself that I hope to be when I grow up. That is what I needed then, and now. To find people that have tread this road and survived, and provide support for those who are still on the road.
The purpose of this blog has changed over time. In the beginning it was heavy on the venting and conflicts. Since then it has softened a little... probably because I've gotten most of the poison out of my system. There are still times when I feel like screaming in my pillow (and I do it here), but now I feel a responsibility to point out the mistakes we made, things we wish we would have done differently, what we wish we would have known, and do it in the most honest and open way I know how.
If by some chance you figure out who "Jane" is, please keep it to yourself. Don't blow my cover, I am having a great time!
If you happen to stumble upon my blog, welcome. If along the way you learn something you didn't know about the life of a resident and his family, great. If you are a spouse of a resident, you will survive, and maybe even start your own blog!