About

This blog is posted anonymously, that will never change. I talk about my husband (he knows what I do), and I talk about my family and his (they don't), and I spill secrets (mostly mine) as they relate to our life during residency, fellowship, and what I hope to be a very happily ever after. This is the honest, sugar-free version of our life.  I don't ever want to think about what I post in terms of who will be reading this and what they will think of me. I am not out to win a popularity contest. Although it does make me happy when people read my blog and communicate with me.

This blog is where I binge and purge all. Sometimes it is ugly, but it is always real. To spare the people I love scrutiny from the entire world, I keep their names and mine the one secret I will never reveal. I had visions of my husband going to get his first professional job (you know the one he has been working towards for the last 16 years) and upon doing a background check his employer finds out that his wife has a blog where she dishes on everything. They could be next. And heaven forbid he should ever want to be the next President of the United States! (He doesn't want to be)

So, my blog friends, you can call me Jane. Just Jane.

Back Story

I thought in some ways that I had lucked out, having missed the first 3 years of medical school married to a student. I understand from others that the first two years are rough, especially compared to the last two.  I was ill-prepared for life as a residents wife. I don't think many blogs existed in 2006! Because I had missed out on most of the medical school years, I also missed out on the camaraderie of other medical school wives. I didn't have anyone to ask about what it might be like, or anyone to share my trials with.  I didn't know what to expect! If I didn't know, how was I supposed to get any support from my family or friends that didn't know? My guess is that you wouldn't know what to expect either. You might hear bits and pieces but until you are in the trenches you have no clue. Isn't that the truth with everything in life? This is my honest attempt at explaining it, the unfiltered truth.

Why start a blog now? Residency is almost over. I've survived 5 of the 6 years I should be doing the happy dance. But, last night while I was waiting for my doctor to return home, from what would ultimately be a 16 hour day (he wasn't even on call), I started searching the web for info related to the life of a doctor's wife on a whim. I found articles describing the resident lifestyle, and common personal problems. It's not surprising that divorce rates in residency aren't good. One report suggested that 33% of married residents in surgical programs will divorce. Maybe that explains why so many in our program are not married, and why many of those who are don't have children.

Why another blog about the lives of residents wives? I need a place to vent, blow off some steam, manage my insanity, and help get me through these last years.  For the past 5 years I've been telling myself if I could just make it to the 6th and final year I would survive. The finish line has just been moved, and we're doing a fellowship.

Since I started blogging in 2011 I have connected with women just like me (and you) and some that are the version of myself that I hope to be when I grow up. That is what I needed then, and now.  To find people that have tread this road and survived, and provide support for those who are still on the road.

The purpose of this blog has changed over time. In the beginning it was heavy on the venting and conflicts. Since then it has softened a little... probably because I've gotten most of the poison out of my system. There are still times when I feel like screaming in my pillow (and I do it here), but now I feel a responsibility to point out the mistakes we made, things we wish we would have done differently, what we wish we would have known, and do it in the most honest and open way I know how.

If by some chance you figure out who "Jane" is, please keep it to yourself.  Don't blow my cover, I am having a great time!

If you happen to stumble upon my blog, welcome. If along the way you learn something you didn't know about the life of a resident and his family, great. If you are a spouse of a resident, you will survive, and maybe even start your own blog!

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18 comments:

  1. Hi! I am enjoying reading your blog! Luckily, I missed the residency and fellowship years. I have many friends who say, "I wish I married a doctor!". Well, while it's definitely has it perks, we (wives. kids and the doctor) live with lots of sacrifices. I, too, am blogging anonymously to be able to tell the truth about our life and paint a true picture of what it takes to be the pillar of support of an attending. I would love any blogging advice you could send my way. You can reach me at yourdoctorswife@gmail.com.
    Sending you my best!

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  2. Hello! I have been loving your blog since I found it a couple of weeks ago. My husband is currently in his second year of residency in pediatrics. I was with him for 3.5 years of med school. I find the toughest part now is that since he's in peds, there are only a couple of other guys in his program, and none of the ones in his year are married. There are a couple interns who are married, but both of those couples have kids, and we don't. So I often feel like there is no one around like ME. A little less than two years to go... then fellowship! It feels very never-ending.

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    1. It only feels like it will never end, until it actually does.... and it will:-)

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  3. Hi Jane! I have loved reading your blog. It inspired me to start my own a few months ago and I am loving it. A fellow wife of a resident, I am finding it so therapeutic and such a fun environment to express some thoughts - the good, the bad and the ugly :) Visit when you can - and I look forward to reading more about your life married to a doctor!

    http://whenlifegivesyoumedicinemakemartinis.com/

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    1. Yea! I am glad you started blogging. I am of the opinion that there can't be too many of us. I have made some great friends through my blog and I hope that you do too. And for the record I am loving living the NYC life vicariously through you!

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  4. Hi, I am a fellows wife. I ve been with my husband since medical school. We just lost our baby a few weeks ago.looking for support we moved here a year ago and have almost a year and 9 months in a city without friends and family. I hope it goes by quick just need support. I know we will see the light again.

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    1. Betty, I am so sorry to hear of your recent loss - my heart hurts for you as a mother, I can't imagine your pain. Thank you for stopping by. We all need friends even if they can't be physically where we are in the moment. I would love to be your friend:-) You will probably discover much of what I have: some days are longer than others but there is always another tomorrow. You will see the light again.

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  5. Hi, I am a fellows wife. I ve been with my husband since medical school. We just lost our baby a few weeks ago.looking for support we moved here a year ago and have almost a year and 9 months in a city without friends and family. I hope it goes by quick just need support. I know we will see the light again.

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  6. Hello...I am the wife of a urology resident (we are finally nearing the finish line..the fifth and final year!). I've been with my resident husband for 14 years...married almost 10. We have three kids and are expecting a fourth. I stumbled on your blog after searching the internet one grumpy night when my husband never returned home, and I'm glad I found it--you have a great voice and I've read through many of your past posts and thought, "YESSS! That's how I feel!"

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    1. It's amazing what a grumpy night can do! You have probably already had your fourth baby so congratulations!

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  7. Really love your blog. When I started I wanted to be completely anonymous too. I think it is great that you can spill all ;)

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  9. Hi! i'm so glad i stumble upon your blog. i'm looking forward to read more :)

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  10. Wow!!! Thank you so so so much for this. Here I am, wife of a M3 and home alone on a Sunday night while he is studying away at the library for a shelf test. Is it sad that this year has been the easiest? I admit, I wasn't too scared about med school, see my husband has already been through pharmacy school. We started dating in his 4th year, he was already accepted to Med. school, deferred for a year so he wouldn't have to move away from me and our relationship, and had a glorious year of him working as a pharmacist to save for life during med school. We moved, married after 1st year and have been trucking along ever since. I feel like school has been a breeze, the residency is what scares me. He is a brilliant man, always gives 110%, sights set on Orthopedic surgeon, so far top of his class (go baby!!) and still works a couple days a month as a part time pharmacist while making time for me!! He is Superman!!! So thank you for the insight to my future and changing my mind about buy a house with practically NO $$ down. I look forward to more laughs reading along with your blog.
    Mrs. Double Doctor

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    1. That is great! My husband program had a PA that had worked for a couple of years and then went back to school to get the doctor title. In some ways I am sure you husband has found that it has made medical school a little easier having already learned some of the things beforehand. I wish you luck as you get ready to head into the final year of school. This time next year you will get getting ready for the match - always an exciting time:-)

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  11. Umm, HELLO! Where has this blog been all my married life?! I'm an Ortho resident wife, and I too am grumpy!

    I have a blog that I started, not anonymously which I think it's smarter, but just for family.

    Anyway, thank you so much for this! We are entering the 4th year of residency, which means only 3 more years left!

    Hope I can make it!

    Jazmin

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  12. Hi Jane! I found your blog through the unconventional doctors wife's blog. I'm hoping that both of you will keep me sane. My bf and I (well we just broke up actually) hit a rough patch. He's in his 4th year of med school, and is beginning to apply for residency - the match! Maybe we just need some space, or maybe it's truly the end. I'm just hear to look for advice and hoping you both can help.

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  13. I wanted to tweet this to you but no twitter! Anonymous…I get it, would love to know what type of residency? You may get a kick out of this http://bubblegumchic.blogspot.com/2014/04/my-own-mcdreamythoughts-on-neurosurgery.html

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