This Is What Procrastination Looks Like

I love frolicking in procrastination and anxiety, don't you?

I have a big birthday party at our home this weekend. Today is Thursday and I've managed to not:

• clean the bathrooms
• change the sheets
• wash the windows
• sweep the floors
• vacuum the carpets/rugs
• pull the weeds
• spread the mulch
• spray off the patio
• make a grocery list
• order the balloons
• decide what to feed the group
• surely there is something else

And I can't even remember what I forgot! I am procrastinating that too.

The point is, I don't know what I am going to do with 40 people this weekend for four hours. So instead of working it out, I am biting my nails and surfing the Internet. I've already located friends from high school, checked the news online twice, feed my kids cookies for breakfast and popcorn for lunch, read every semi-interesting email and article from Facebook, thought about signing up for Twitter, read blog posts and basically haven't moved a muscle. 

I am paralyzed. This is my family. My husbands family. Close friends. I shouldn't feel this much pressure. I know it is just me. If it were just a 4 hour party that would be one thing, but some of these people are coming from out of town and are going to stay with us on Friday night. I will have 11 additional people in my household for 24 hours. I don't trust my nieces and nephews to not break a window or tear plants out of the ground, or general respect our home. We don't have enough places to sit comfortably and the flooring is tile. It's too hot outside and there is no where to sit outside. 

I like to procrastinate and fret in solitude and now doing it here is even starting to feel uncomfortable.

I am not a party person. I don't like hosting them. Sometimes I don't even like going to them. I felt obligated in a since to have one and so am using one event to kill all the birds, summer birthdays and housewarming in one. I put way to much pressure on myself and it results in these moments of complete procrastination and performance anxiety. This is the first time we will have hosted an event in our new home.

It's a party. No one is going to care if its too hot, too hard, and not just right. It isn't the end of the world. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I am going to ponder a little further about getting out of this chair and getting to work.