So on the rare day that I was alone and listened to radio in the car I heard this great song that I thought could be my theme song for this year: Wake Me up by Avicii. Apparently, it isn't new and I am just late getting to the party. I am usually a very timely person, but I have checked out of more than one thing this year. And in the case of popular music it has been a very long time.
Back to the song. Wake me up when it's all over (please), when I am wiser and I'm older (yes - but not too old). Can I please sign up for this? The past year has been insane and we are at the tail end of one part of insanity and bracing for another. I really just want to go to bed and wake up 6 weeks from now when all the stuff I don't want to deal with is over and I don't have to think about it again. I am tired and worn down. I feel broken and at my wits end. I am ready to give up but I can see the finish line I just don't know if I have what it takes to make it.
This has really been a common theme for basically my entire life. I just want to check out and reappear when the hard part it over. I realize I have made it through some pretty crazy things and have come out of top. Not the kind of physical difficulties that are obvious, but the deep emotional and mental torments that can drive a person crazy.
Then I read about a woman who lost her husband and was left with three small children only to find out the next day that she is pregnant. Yeah, I don't have anything to complain about. Nothing like a dose of that to snap you out of it. Somehow the difficulties of building your dream house don't see to rank on this list of things to get down about. More on that to come.
Between the song and all the terrible things I know happen to people, if this is all I have to deal with then checking out is just plain cowardly. Maybe this song is really my anti-theme song. I can do this, no reason to fall asleep and miss all the good character building that is going on right now.
Do you have a them song for the new year?
I know exactly what you mean. My husband is going through all the residency interviews and soon it will all be over and I hope I don't have to discuss another program's residence, benefits, location, etc. for the rest of my life. This life is really hard and it is crazy how some parts (very short lived) are calm, almost normal and then there are parts like right now where you feel like your life will always be this way. Crazy. With your husband everywhere, but home. One of my good friends (also a doctor's wife) wrote a blog post saying that in this world (medical world) you are forced to look to the future all the time, but what is the most important, and is the only thing she focuses on, is that day. That day with her husband after work. That day with her daughter at the park. Nothing else matters. I admire her for being able to do that. Push through! You'll make it! When in doubt go get a pedicure and have a girls night. That ALWAYS helps me.
ReplyDeleteDuring my darkest year I was forced to deal with divorce, financial ruin, single motherhood,& a life-threatening tumor. I was taking 21 units at school, working two jobs, and taking care of my pre-school daughter myself. I was forced to sleep on a sofa for an entire year. As a true child of the 70's, "I Will Survive" became my theme song. I still find myself humming the tune every now and then. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think you and I should embrace a NY resolutions to embrace the good in the moment... even if that good is just that we survived the second before this one. LOL! ;)