I don't know what I was expecting when we finally moved out of the training phase and into the real world, but I know it wasn't this.
When he started residency 7 years ago I dreamed of this day nearly every day of the 3,955 that followed. Truthfully, longer. I forget about medical school.
I always assumed he would finish training, we would move into a beautiful house in a picture book neighborhood, our children would be clean and well dressed, and life would be bliss. The truth is he did graduate but everything else has stayed the same. You know the old adage "the more things change the more they stay the same"... I guess it is true, and that is why we remember it.
Our house is cozy (code word tiny). My kids still fight as much (or more) than they did before. I look exactly the same. My husband looks the same. Everything is the same. The only different is we moved. Oh, and because we moved back to where we are from it is like we never left. Seriously, like we never left - we are sleeping in the same bedroom we did when we got married. Cooking in the same kitchen. Same neighbors. Same, same, everything.
Somehow it feels like the last seven years didn't even happen. It was all kind some of weird dream or an episode of the Twilight Zone. None of this can be real.
I guess I was expecting some magical moment. It didn't happen. Everything feels exactly as it did before. Even the worrying about money. You never realize how expensive life is until you go for 6 weeks without a paycheck and watch your checking account get smaller and smaller every day. Just like before.
It's just not what I was expecting. Thankfully, for the most part, I liked things they way they were. Anything better would have just been icing. I had and have a pretty great life.
I suppose that is the catch with day dreaming in general. Considering all the time we had to day dream we had some pretty elaborate details in our dreams. Nothing that reality could actually live up to. I know it's fun to dream, and that dreams are an important part of goals - but they can also be dangerous if you don't allow for some flexibility in the scope and timing. Good thing I am learning how to be flexible.
For some people I know it works out exactly as they imagined, and they get their magical moment. I always figured we would part of that group, not this other group. Did you know there were groups? Perhaps I just made them up. Oh no, I just had a terrible thought - maybe there isn't actually a group, it's just me!
I am fine, really I am (unless it really is just me that didn't get a magical moment). This must mean that I still have something to look forward too, once again.
Speaking of things to look forward too.... if I haven't totally depressed you, come back on Monday for the 1st Anniversary of Medical Mondays hosted by Emma and myself and featuring an awesome giveaway. I promise it is something you can use!