Technically it is happy birthday to me and while I should be celebrating I am feeling guilty. Why? Because my idea of celebrating is complete silence, alone time, and a clean house. So I just sent my husband, our three kids, and my parents out for the afternoon without me.
I complain because we don't get to see our family (or husband) often enough, and now that they are here today all I really want is to be alone. Same thing for Mother's Day, Valentines Day, Christmas. Any holiday that usually comes with gifts or favors. Probably because true alone time, just me myself and I, is in short supply around here. That and because I am used to just having me and the kids around all day when more people are in the house I start getting a little claustrophobic and need to breathe.
My house hasn't been cleaned in two weeks and trying to clean with a house full of people is nearly impossible. So for my birthday I am putting our new baby to bed with a prayer that she will sleep and I am going to clean this house and enjoy a few hours of peace and quiet before they all come home and chaos ensues once again.
While anxiously anticipating this silence I still feel like a big party pooper - I hope that feeling doesn't last for too long because I made chocolate chip cookies last night and they might disappear fast if I don't snap out of it. Time to start working in silence!
In our house, (urology)residency seems like an excuse not to have to celebrate ANYTHING. Not our anniversary, my birthday, mother's day, his birthday. The only thing that has been celebrated is our son's 1st. Other than that -- he usually has to work and we don't have the money for gifts anyway so holidays can just pass us by with the expectation that "when this is over" and we have money/time/security THEN we'll celebrate. Because he has to work. He always has to work. And by the time "this" is over... our son will be six and I probably won't even ask to celebrate anything, or want to. I love my husband, but I hate being robbed of celebration.
ReplyDeleteWe do the same thing Tam! For all of the IOU's we've handed out over the last 5 years we should be celebrating like rockstars when this is all over.... if it every truly is over :-) Hang in there!
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