Tuesday, January 22, 2013

You've Been Other Mothered

I gained 5 lbs, ate out for a week straight, didn't exercise once, have an entire 2 week dvr line-up to watch, and news to catch up on. I have no idea what is going on in the world. But I am back, I survived, and I will lose those 5 lbs, eventually. Does anyone else agree that it isn't fair that it can take 4 months to lose 5 lbs, but only 10 days to gain it all back? One of life's evil jokes.

But today's post is about something I've learned while watching Nick Jr. If you haven't heard of their evening programming called Mom's Night Out, I highly recommend setting your dvr to record it. It is funny!!! At the end of a long day that is really all I want. I stumbled upon it one evening after putting the kids to bed. I turned on the TV and it was on Nick Jr., but the program was obviously not meant for little ears. It is laugh out loud funny!!!! I love this show, and record it like an addict now so when momma needs a fix it is ready. Who doesn't enjoy real moms sharing things we all have dealt with and wish we could say to other mothers? The fact that they are comedians make it even better.

I went looking for a link for my favorite segment and to my amazement some of their viewers didn't like this new change in programming line up. What did they want to watch at 9:00 pm, more Dora the Explorer? So if you like things that no one else likes, or things that make those "other mothers" get their feathers all ruffled, this might be the program for you. And here is a perfect example of other mothering: what are you doing letting your kids watch tv between the hours of 10 pm and 2 am EST? Don't you know they are supposed to be in bed before 8:00pm! What kind of mother are you?

Other Mothering is when one mother passive aggressively (or not so passively) tells you that you are doing something wrong, and that their way is the right way - without saying you are wrong and they are right. Or that is the definition as I see it.

And I happen to know something about that topic because it happened at least three times that I mentally recorded. In this case it wasn't another mother directly, but it was a grandmother standing in for the mother. Lest there be any confusion I love my mother-in-law and have come to terms with the fact that she is in a very real way the second mother to her two other grandchildren who she spends a minimum of 10 hours a week with. I no longer begrudge that point, but have accepted it. I just don't like it when it invades her time with her other grandchildren that she sees once or twice a year.

Act 1
I am unloading my groceries of real milk, sugared cereal, bread, fruit snacks, corn dogs, etc from a national grocery chain.

GM: Susie has really been working hard to change their eating habits. She is always sharing some article with us about pesticides, farming practices, health benefits of xyz. They only eat organic meats, no dairy, no processed foods and the kids have gotten to the point where they call-out unhealthy food when they see it.  She is really doing a good job introducing them to new vegetables.

Act 2
As we are picking up my children from the local public school in our area.

GM: Susie is really impressed with the new school the kids are going to. They have uniforms, are studying classic literature in their K-5 programs, the kids have to memorize a new classic poem each week. I am amazed at the things they are learning. Susie volunteers in their class rooms, it is really an excellent school. They are so glad to have gotten out of the public school system.

Act 3
Watching my children "play" and work things out.

GM: Susie has learned some techniques for handling her children's disagreements. They have to sit with their feet together and look each other in the eye and tell the other person what they did that they didn't like and how it made them feel. And then the other person has to tell them how they feel, and then when they have shared their feelings they have to hug each other.

I am sure there was no malice meant in any of these situations, but I still find them to be hurtful. But not enough to say "please don't compare my groceries, schools, parenting, etc to anyone else". Since we don't see them very often, I let most of this stuff slide and come here for my therapy sessions.

And then I received a little satisfaction that may be enough to last the whole year.

As we were sitting down to our family breakfast of Lucky Charms, she took a picture on her phone to send to her other grand kids - showing our breakfast and how were getting off to school. They send back a picture of them eating donuts for breakfast. So much for non-processed, organic, healthy food only in our house BS. I know that donuts with sprinkles will never be considered a healthy organic option. Take that!

My husband just dropped the grandparents off at the airport and this is the first time I have had to sit down and do anything on my own - and that is the honest truth.  I put the baby down for a nap, put my preschooler in front of a movie, and jump on the computer to start working out in my head what has happened over the last 10 days. I am starting to feel like myself again.



  1. Omg you are a far stronger woman than I. I would NOT have been able to hold my tongue. Way to go and I hope your recovery is swift. I'm annoyed for you lol.


  2. Well I was hoping to read a much happier report from your time off...but as much as we try and forget this is the tough reality of in-laws, family and the like I guess. Happy to have you back and even happier that you are already starting to feel like yourself again :) Hang in there!!

  3. omg! no, I am not a mother yet, but i agree with you! And...man You have had a busy few days! At the rate your going, you will get those 5 lbs. off in no time...
    p.s. I nominated you for the liebster award:)

  4. We've only had our little girl one week and I feel like I already know this feeling all too well! Way to hold your tongue!


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