The Road Less Traveled Could Be Beautiful

To some extent I think we all believe that we take the proverbial "road less traveled". Who really says, I just do what everybody else does and hope it all works out? Remember when your parents would ask you "if all your friends were jumping off a cliff would you?" Parents are so wise, even when you have long established yourself as an adult - at least according to the numbers.

It may be more appropriate to exclaim that I take the hard road! When two decisions are placed before me I choose the one that will probably inflict the most pain for the longest period of time. Because if it doesn't hurt a little is it really worth it? Pain is gain! As humans I thought we were programmed to take the path of least resistance. I suppose much depends on your definition of resistance.

In my Making Mistakes series, my last mistake referenced a certain house that may or may not turn out to be a huge mistake. We should know how much torment that decision inflicts soon enough. The process itself has been quite painful! A story for another post.

We have spent the last 6 months saving like that was our full-time job only to discover that now that we have saved a significant amount I don't want to part with it and start over again at a much slower pace due to the baggage (mortgage) we will be carrying.

But it is too late to turn back now. We are contractually obligated to forfeit our savings, all of it, and start over.  It hurts. It is easy to spend money when you have no money. It's just paper, and a promise to pay it back. But when you have actually earned it by the sweat of your brow, choosing rice and beans over meat.... those dollars mean something. When the money you spend represents something you guard it with you life!

By now you probably also know that once you start looking at something, anything, there is a very good chance that the "thing" is going to be in your possession. It could be a purse, car, house, jewelry, book, vacation, bike, sofa, etc.  If you look at anything long enough and often enough something is going to happen. It is the way the universe works even though I don't have any scientific data to point to - just my personal experience.

We started looking at houses the minute we had our job offer, about 9 months before we would start practice. That is a lot of time. I knew everything about every neighborhood in our desired area. I checked new MLS listings before getting our of bed every morning. I mapped, I googled, I had parents and in-laws drive by.  It helped that we had both lived in the city and knew its surroundings fairly well. Rather, knowing the city just sped things up. We knew this was the final stop on our journey so buying a house was in our future.  (Let me rephrase, we hope this is our last stop on the journey - there are no guarantees in life.)

Even with all of that looking and researching I was convinced that we weren't going to buy a house right away. I just wanted to be acquainted with the market, or so I told myself. Reason suggests that you have to have some money to buy a house, and we had none. What harm could there be in looking when you don't have the funds to make anything happen? We were in no danger of having someone give us money, or winning the lottery. It was just innocent fun. On a "research" trip out to our new city we contacted a trusted realtor and started looking inside the houses we had seen online. That was a lot of fun! Are you starting to see how things happen?

We looked during that trip and then immediately after we arrived in July. And then because my husband had almost a full month off before he started work we decided that would be the perfect time to keep looking. Not because we were prepared to buy, but because we had the time. What else were we going to do? Time isn't always a friend. Remember the saying about idle hands?

Our house! It is everything we were looking for. Right neighborhood, excellent location. It was perfect, except for the price. Even I knew it would be a stretch on top of the high property taxes in the area, but not impossible if we budgeted right. As much as I wanted it, and could easily imagine our family living there and building a life,  I patted myself on the back for walking away. I watched the house for months before we saw it, toured it twice, drove by it nearly every week, and watched it until the day it sold. Even now when we drive through the neighborhood we stop to admire it. It was the one that got away! Thank heavens - that would have been a big, beautiful, expensive mistake.

During this same time we found another neighborhood in a suburb I never would have considered until I discovered that my kind of homes (think igloo in Miami) existed in only two neighborhoods among a population of almost 5 million people. The one area was out of my price range, and the other out of my comfortable distance from the city. We were looking for a needle in a haystack.

Through what seemed like divine providence, and may very well prove to be, we found a home in a beautiful, new, custom, gated neighborhood that had been started with foundation and framing completed. Did I mention this all happened before we even had our first paycheck? The builder had started while between other projects and was waiting for the perfect buyer to finish it.  US!  It wouldn't be completed for months which would give us time to save our down payment. It followed the same purchasing model as a resale home instead of a new construction loan. The builder was flexible with our earnest money and allowed us to make installments over a few months. Really too good to be true, but it is true. And soon enough we will have a house. That may be all we have.

While I am excited I am also terrified. Now that we have saved our down payment I realize just what that money could do.  If we were to continue saving and living at the same rate we are now we could be debt free in another 2 1/2 years. That is all, granted we wouldn't own a home, but we wouldn't have any debt! In a total of 3 years out of practice we could pay off our student loans and our two cars. In anther 6 months (without those pesky student loans and car payments) we could have saved for a down payment on a house equal to what we are purchasing - assuming all things stay the same.

I can imagine what that would feel like, and that is all I will be able to do... imagine. There are so many more options available when you don't have debt and do have money in the bank. That would have been the road less traveled and it could have been beautiful. It would have been courageous and honorable, something to be proud of, and an example for our children. But I didn't do it.

The world needs more courage in the face of difficult decisions. The world needs more people willing to say no to debt and yes to savings. I wish it could have been me. I wanted to be in that camp! I look at the few people that I know who are living debt free and I envy them. They are a small happy group. But in the end didn't choose to join them. I read stories about people who make the decision to live without debt and cheer for them and applaud their journey and triumph. I read Dame Ramsey books and The Millionaire Next Door. But ultimately dismissed that path for myself and my family.

I feel like a complete dupe. My husband works in a highly compensated surgical specialty. It could have been relatively easy. Sure it would have been mildly uncomfortable for another 3 years, but what is 3 years when you compare that to what we have already been through, or the difficulty that we will know for years trying to payoff student loan debt and save for a meaningful retirement with a mortgage starting all of this after the age of 40?

We say we want to be debt free and fund a comfortable retirement, but our decisions when it comes to tangible purchases don't support those desires. When it comes down to it we all find ways to justify getting the things we want. Our rationalization sounded a lot like this:

• If we wait any longer to buy a house we love we might as well just buy a retirement home.
• Housing prices and interest rates are moving up!
• We have 4 kids, I would be different if we had 1 or 2. We need the space.
• Our kids deserve to have a place to call home, 4 locations in 9 years isn't fair to the kids.
• I don't want to move the kids during their impressionable years when making friends become more difficult.
• I don't want to wait any longer, we have already sacrificed so much.
• We can afford it!
• We will be the only people in the 40+ age bracket we know without a house.
• Our financial advisor says it will help reduce our oppressive tax burden.

Definition of justify: to prove or show something to be just, right, or reasonable.

Definition of rationalize: attempt to explain or justify one's own or another's behavior or attitude with plausible reasons, even if these are not true or appropriate.

Whether we justified or rationalized our decision, it has been made. Now we get to live with it. The truth is that in 3 years from now when I am writing checks for payments on our cars, student loans, and mortgage I might cry a little knowing it could have been different. By some miracle maybe we can make it all happen - that's what the rest of us say who take the same road as the majority. Sounds like the definition of insanity - doing the same thing yet expecting different results.

Only time will tell.

Here is Your Box, Climb Inside, Make Yourself Comfortable

One of the things that I find so frustrating in my life is that despite trying to live "outside of the box", my decisions seem to be putting me firmly inside the box. It's almost as if someone else has created the box, lead me to it, sold me on the benefits of living in the box, and then shut the lid on me all the while giggling that they caught another one.

But, I know that is a lie. I am the only one responsible for the box. There might be enough of us living in the box, that we think someone else created it - but it is ours alone. The choice then becomes will you make the most of living in the box, or will you try to escape? Escaping takes more courage than you think.

We weren't going to be those doctors. We weren't going to be the ones living at the cusp of their income. We weren't going to be the ones that make minimum payments on their student loans. We weren't going to be the ones that drive new cars. We weren't going to be the ones that had to work past retirement age. We weren't going to be the ones that still had a mortgage payments and student loan payments 15 years after starting practice. We weren't going to be the ones that .... fill in the blank.

There is a reality that I don't think I can impress upon upcoming doctors and their families enough, and it is this:

What you thought was waiting for you at the end of the rainbow, isn't what you think it is. 

The TRUTH is that your disposable income, the amount that you actually get to use for your day to day living and saving, isn't going to be as great as you thought it was and everything is more expensive than you imagined. Both are influenced largely by what part of the country you live in.

The TRUTH is that your husband, despite being his own boss, is still ultimately at the mercy of his patients and the hospital and their needs. He is a well-paid servant in a highly bureaucratized system. He carries a pager and jumps when they say jump.

The TRUTH is that you are not done sacrificing. Hard decisions still await you. Long hours and nights don't disappear. Loneliness may still be your friend.

The TRUTH is that your friends and family will still misunderstand your situation in terms of finances, time, and abilities. They will always think you have more of all three.

The TRUTH is income guarantees have expiration dates and so do contracts.

The TRUTH (especially for those of us on the 40 side) is that time isn't your friend. If you want to pay off your house before you retire you have 20 years, not 30. If you want to retire at a normal age you have 20 years to save, not 40.

These are hard facts to face. But they must be faced at some point. Sooner than later. Every one's variables are unique. Do you know yours?

My family has always joked that my mother was the original Debbie Downer. She can't help but interject something like "did you hear so and so passed away, so sad, bless her heart" in the middle of an otherwise pleasant conversation. I may have inherited some of that from her.

There are plenty of things that are great about being done and getting a paycheck this is commiserate with your husbands skills, talents, and education. This post in no way is meant to diminish that. Your situation is probably different, they all are. I guess that may be the point. Just because you know a doctor that ........ doesn't mean that it is going to work out that way for you.

If you are expecting magic, you may be disappointed.  Know what your priorities are. Know what you want today to look like and what you want your future to look like. Know what you have to work with. It's never to early to start making a plan.

Don't be disappointed, be prepared. That means having a trusted financial advisor who will tell you the TRUTH about what your unique situation for the present and future look like. The plain and simple truth. You might not want to hear it, but we all need more of it.

I understand the phrase "the truth hurts" much better now.

It's Like the Lottery, Only Different

From the moment you our your spouse/boyfriend/sister/brother contemplated joining the medical profession family and friends gently urged them on with sentiments along the lines of "one day it will be worth it". What they mean by worth it is "one day you will have enough money and all your problems will be solved".  How naive they are. How naive we are.

I think this type of thinking (money is the answer to all of life's problems) is more common than we acknowledge. If you read my last post it is has been scientifically measured that the happy number for income is $75,000. So why would well-meaning friends and family want anyone to marry or obtain an income above that figure if it won't have any measurable effect on their happiness? Hmmm, maybe they are hoping that we will attempt to increase our happiness by spending money on them or buying experiences that we share with them. Or maybe they don't really like us as much as we thought.

I do not doubt their motives, really. I think they believe that having a higher income somehow means some of life's difficulties will pass us by. And there maybe some truth to it, but what if is was as equally untrue? What if it didn't matter how much money you had? What if the honest truth was that regardless of your income bracket you would be faced with challenges, hardships, heartaches and tragedies on par with others who have significantly less than you? Would you believe it? I have a feeling this might be closer to the truth than we are willing to admit.

Happiness has been on my mind lately because what I thought would make me happier (because I believed the lie) hasn't made a difference. I was happy before, don't get me wrong - but I think I was expecting elation, ecstasy and carefree to be a more permanent sensation. And now even I am laughing at myself. Go ahead, you can laugh with me. Instead it has just stirred up a whole new set of feelings I wasn't prepared for.

So what is the verdict? Will more money make you happier? It's a trick question and there is a lot of fine print and exclusions. You don't believe me. I can tell. Why? Because we all want the opportunity to try out the theory for ourselves. We will be the exceptions!

I won't attempt to deceive you. The first paycheck was like winning the lottery!  But, that feeling lasts for just a moment. Why so short lived? Because you quickly realize that having a high income doesn't mean you actually have money. Quite the opposite. Now that you have money everybody wants it.

Call it sticker shock, call it post-traumatic stress syndrome - the first time you see the income taxes portion of your payroll you may need to call 911. That is if you are able to get to the phone. Just like winning the lottery, most of your income is gone, never to be seen again and there isn't anything you can do about it! Taxes are now our single largest expense several times over. A cool 39.61% of our gross income. Sure we knew we were going to be in a different tax bracket, but I never considered that we would pay more in taxes in one month than we did in the last three years combined. It's the truth, I checked our filings because I am curious like that. I know what a great problem to have, but it's still a problem.

We need to lower our tax burden in a hurry! That would sure help pay down our debt in a big way. But what is there that we qualify for at this point? More kids? The ones we have now won't help anymore. Student loan interest? No.  Don't you find it ironic that once you are finally able to start paying your loans back you don't get to take a deduction for the interest you do pay because you make too much? This is going to be a topic of discussion for our financial planner. I am sure it won't be the first time they will have a new doctor in their office claiming that something must be wrong and asking to have some of those loopholes they have heard about in the news. Where can I get a loophole? Is there a dispenser somewhere?

I hear the naysayers now "why are you complaining about taxes, you have plenty of money"? You'd think, but....

From the moment you start medical school you begin digging the hole we call debt. You ignore it while it is happening because there is no alternative. In residency it slowly starts to remind you that it is alive and growing and waiting for you. You start cringing when the statements come in the mail. By the time you get your first paycheck, often decades later, it shows up on your doorstep with suitcases and a long term lease agreement that must be honored.  That little hole you starting digging years ago has become a tunnel to China.

You'd like to make your student loan situation a distant memory in a hurry, but you also need to start saving for retirement. NOW.  Remember that pitch from the HR department about contributing to a 401(k) and that if you started saving only $100 a month starting at age 20 by the time you retired you would have 1 Million dollars? That might not be the exact number, but the principle was that money invested over time grows exponentially. Guess what this doctor doesn't have? Time!  Instead of having a working career that spans 45 years - we will have 25, unless he wants to work into his seventies! And we might just have to do that. Time is not on our side and we are digging ourselves out of a hole. A house size hole. A house nicer than any house we have ever lived in hole with a matching mortgage payment.

But it's not just the student loans. It's the realization that being a doctor is a very expensive career decision. Because you have invested so much money that didn't belong to you pursuing an expensive career, you now have to take precautions to protect that career so you can afford to pay your debts. What a sick relationship. Outside of medical malpractice insurance, your family has to guard themselves from people that will never be patients! To say my husbands hands are insured isn't much of an exaggeration. We have insurance in case he can't work as a surgeon. Insurance in case he can only work in a limited capacity. We have insurance in case he expires prematurely. We have insurance to protect our home, cars, property, and assets we hope to accumulate. We have liability insurance should someone sue us from an accident in our car, home, driveway, sidewalk, tree, or from looking at them wrong, etc.

So when I look at our new income I see money that has already been spoken for and lots of hands coming to get what is theirs and not as much left as I would like. Not because I am ready for a shopping spree, but because I sincerely want to be done with debt as quickly as possible so we can move on to other things. The reality is that if want to pay off our debt aggressively, save for a meaningful retirement at a normal age, and buy a family house while our children are still living with us, we'd be smart to live like we always have. Right now it is the only way to mathematically make it work in the short time we have. Or we just throw caution to the wind and enjoy today and let tomorrow take care of itself. I am on the fence most days.

There are some things I have dreamed about and anticipated for years that would make everything worth it. (If you've been down this road, you know the "everything" I am talking about. If you haven't, I can't begin to describe it in one post and if I tried you wouldn't believe me anyway.) One was having a home in a safe neighborhood with a yard where our children could run and play outside. The other was taking family and couple vacations, something we never did during school or residency. I think both of these things are in keeping with the proven methods of increasing happiness: spending money on others and experiences. These are two things I am not willing to let go of now.

So for now, don't expect any debt-free announcements this decade.

Can Money Buy Happiness?

Ah, the age old question: Will having more money actually make you happier? What say ye?

There are numerous books that touch on the subject. One of my favorites from the past couple of years is Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project".  I love the approach she took to studying happiness and that she made a conscious decision to experiment with her happiness. I would probably be happier if I implemented any one of her suggestions.

Not surprisingly, there have also been countless studies attempting to measure happiness as it relates to money. I love it when science meets sociology/psychology, and I particularly love when people are able to present boring facts in an entertaining way.

I ran across this white board YouTube video several months ago and have been wanting to write something about it. I felt I need to wait a little while, at least until I had some of my own empirical data to work with and the other side was still fresh in my recollections.

It's a short video, but if you don't have time to watch it let me give you the run down:

• It's not what you have it's what you do with it.
• In North American anything beyond $75,000 doesn't significantly increase happiness.
• We adapt very quickly to increases in wealth.
• Buy experiences rather than material goods that produce a one time boost to happiness.

The study of money and peoples attitudes toward it I find fascinating.

I do believe that once a persons basic needs of shelter, food, clothing are met the meaning of happiness does not change greatly and that money can help create happy experiences but is not necessarily required. History has given us plenty of examples of happy and poor. Think Mother Theresa. But there are also some happy and rich examples, too. I just can't think of one off the top of my head - I just know they exist. Or at least I hope they exist!

But here is where I long for more data. For me something is missing from this analysis. Income isn't what it seems. Depending on where you live within the US the cost of basic needs combined with taxes and insurance could leave varying levels of disposable income which could be used to spend on others or to spend on experiences. Not to mention that if you are married, have a couple of kids (or more) and a dog, you are multiplying the cost of those basic needs and the needs themselves seem to be greater.

I contend that happiness is having disposable income that you have ultimate and total control over how it is spent, regardless of what your stated income is. When you don't have money to spend on others, or to spend on experiences, or to give away to charities you believe in, or save for retirement, or pay off student loans, or save for college expenses, etc. can you be happy?

Happiness is an attitude. Giving money away or buying things for someone else without the right attitude isn't getting you anything. You have to want to all the way to your bones.

Happiness is a plan. It is taking control of your money and being in charge of what your money does. It's not letting your money control you. Most of the time we become slave masters to our money and don't discipline it enough. It's a two-year old with a mind of it's old. It needs to be tamed.

Happiness is simplicity. Life right now is so far from simple that it is maddening. With greater income comes greater expenses and frustration.

My relationship with money is complicated. Although our income has increased above that magic happy number, I am no more happier. In fact, I might even say that my happiness in general has decreased. I like to keep things simple, but I haven't figured out how to make it reality. Stay tuned.

Is My Husband Cheating On Me?

Thank you for all the words of encouragement on my last post. I really appreciated them, and it made me once again so thankful for this community that we share. I left a few things unwritten then, because it was getting so long. This is the second half of the story.

If anyone were to analyze the purchases my husband has made over the last 6 months and compared it to our prior decade long history they would probably jump to the conclusion that my husband must be cheating on me. Only guilty men who have something to hide do what he does.

Let me present the evidence:

• He works long and erratic hours.
• He travels for work conferences and meetings requiring over night stays.
• He uses a pager and a work issued blackberry that is password protected.
• He disappears in the middle of the night.
• He doesn't answer his phone (unless of course he does).
• He has made several expensive purchases as gifts.

Sounds suspicious, doesn't it?

Luckily, I know him better than that. And most of the above has been a part of our life style for as long as we have had a life together. That is except the last one. 

We aren't a gift giving couple. Our finances have always necessitated creativity over price. Or in lieu of gifts we'd go out to dinner and get a babysitter. 

I knew my husband had the potential to be a gift giver, because even when we would set the budgets for gifts (when we allowed our selves to give them) he would always go over. Or he would ask that I not give him anything and allow him to use the full amount. Or he would always tell me about the things that he wanted to give me. Always so selfless.

Here is where I need to come clean. I have been holding out on you. I started this blog so that I could have a place to be completely honest and work out the "stuff" I deal with. But, I haven't told you everything. I think I felt self-conscious and didn't want to draw attention to the fact that life is getting really good right now. Maybe too good.  I am much more comfortable sharing the truth about all the bad stuff, but hold back on the good. So, here it is.

I wasn't prepared for was the unleashing of his giving. Apparently the repression has been severe and now the pendulum has swung the other way.  At the first available opportunity he started buying and hasn't been able to stop. We are talking spending worthy of an intervention, and that's kind of what he is about to get. 

For the record I was pleased with all of his gifts. However, I didn't expect them all so soon. I was thinking over time... lots of time. Like years. Now what is there left to buy?

First there was a new van. He has known that I wanted a new van for the last 4 or 5 years. The one we had was picked out by someone else and given as a gift, which I am very grateful for. Let this be a lesson, if you start looking at something you will buy it. If you don't want to buy it don't look at it. 

This first purchase made me very nervous. Yes the contract had been signed, but it was still in the mail when he went to the dealership. I should have known this purchase was coming because he had been spending a lot of his free time on the Internet shopping around. But he has always done this for as long as I have known him. Build cars online and dream. Dream. I thought I had successfully convinced him of the merits of waiting 6 months or even until we moved. We didn't need a new van, the one we had worked just fine as long as we didn't need to transport anyone other than our children to and fro. 

Perhaps it was my fault for complaining about the car pick-up line at school and how the attendants didn't hardly know how to open or close our van door which required me to pull over, get out and re-close the door before heading out into traffic. Or maybe he felt like a neurosurgeon's wife should be driving something made in this decade.

I forgave him for the van. It is gorgeous, spacious, much nicer than anything I could have dreamed of. I am keeping it.

Then a week later he bought himself a foreign, super horse power, sporty vehicle. I cringed a little bit, because we (he) had just bought a new van and I thought we had agreed to wait a little bit. But, I know that he is a car guy and that he has hated everything he has driven for the last 8 years. And he has worked so hard, doesn't he deserve the one thing that he wants? I know he thought he did.

He had been eyeing this particular model for a few months. It was a special edition and there was only one left in town. The year was coming to an end so there wouldn't be any others. I am sure the salesman used urgency to his advantage. Maybe he bought me the van to soften me up for his car. It worked.

I forgave him for the car. He loves it, it is gorgeous and I am starting to feel less uncomfortable driving in it. It has taken some time.

Thankfully the stipend starting coming before the payments did. 

Then while on a conference trip he came home with a diamond necklace from Tiffany's. That's right. Diamonds from Tiffany. Why? Well this he said was my "thanks for putting up with med school and residency and fellowship" present. He said I had earned it and more. 

I forgave him for the diamonds. I love the necklace. It is gorgeous and I wear it 24/7 even in the shower. At this point he tells me they also had matching earrings but he decided not to buy them. I can't decide if I am disappointed that he didn't, or proud of him for showing some restraint. Mostly proud, my fake diamond earrings I couldn't part with.

Then there was a family vacation after Christmas. Western Caribbean 6 night Disney Cruise for the family, complete with grandparents flown in to join us. We had been planning on this celebratory purchase so I couldn't get upset, but I was beginning to get very uncomfortable with the fact that our bank account should be growing but it looked about the same as it did before.  

It was an amazing trip and our first family vacation that didn't involve staying with our family and visiting relatives. Our kids had been anticipating this trip for months and were so excited, it was priceless. 

We weren't planning on buying anything in the Caribbean, but apparently they have some amazing shopping and no sales tax.  So we left with a high-end watch for me. Not Rolex, but not far from it. Why? Well, my husband is also a watch guy. For his wedding present I purchased him the same brand watch and he has always wanted to get me one. So now I have one. 

It was the Caribbean, the sun, the water, feeling like a million bucks.. had it been on US soil I probably would have put up more of a defense, but I stood there and let him buy it for me. I am wearing it right now, and I even sleep with it on. I love it, he is forgiven.

Oh, yes, there is more. 

For Valentine's day he bought a purse for me. Mind you I have never owned a purse that cost more than $50. I like purses, don't get me wrong, but I never felt the need to have anything nicer than I did. Until I touched it. Is that what leather is supposed to feel like? Amazing. And now I get why people are obsessed about purses. I should use it more, but I am afraid to get it dirty or scratched, and I still feel a little weird wearing it. I am sure it will grow on me. In time.

I know that these purchases aren't every day purchases. I know that they were one time purchases being made in quick succession. But there are the million other little expenses that all add up. Eating out more often, buying whatever we want at the grocery store, our attitudes about money and spending are changing... and they have changed faster than I want them too. You would be amazed at how quickly you can adapt.

I think that is what I meant in my previous post about wanting to freeze time. I want things to stop for just a moment so I can wrap my head around what we have now and get it under some semblance of control before we jump into yet another round of wheel of fortune.

I am not a materialistic person, or I never thought I was, and now I feel like I might come off that way to the people around me - but I don't want to be.  See the problem?

A universal truth has been made perfectly clear to me: your expenses will always rise to meet your income unless you are a diligent task master over your budget AND budgets have to be worked out together not alone. 

I have always known that, but I let myself take a little break after he started getting his stipend because I felt that we deserved the respite and now I am feeling the effects. Even when I had worked out a budget it was too stringent and he wasn't on board with it. It was his (our) money so he had a right to decide how it was going to be spent too.  And it was the first time in our married life where we actually had the room to make decisions about "extra" money. What is there to talk about when you only have enough to keep a roof over your head, food on the table, and clothes on your back?

Even so, I have put him on a spending fast. I think he has worked everything out of his system so it might not be too painful. He isn't allowed to make any other purchases until our savings account reaches a specific number. Our anniversary is today and I have asked that under no circumstances he buy my anything. What I want is to see our savings account grow between now and the time we move. And for that matter, every day thereafter.

I have always had a high need for financial security. I think that is one of the reasons I have fought so hard to keep us out of consumer debt. Remember the life/disability insurance we got for Christmas? It is an expensive gift that keeps on giving every month, but it has been the best present he could give me. 

This was a long post! Thanks for sticking around and listening to my ramblings:-) Hope to see you back here Monday morning for another great edition of Medical Mondays!

Do You Do Too Much?

Part of the reality of being the stay at home half of a parenting partnership is that we are in our "stuff" all day long. My husband works hard, insanely long hours. His job is tough. But being the boss, the housekeeper, the cook, the driver, etc without any one to delegate to is rough! He can at least tell someone to go do something for him. Who am I going to tell? Me, Myself, and I.

Mom Goes On Strike Stops Cleaning For A Week! This article caught my eye today as I have been on a search for how to make my small children responsible for their own messes and personal items. I have chronicled many of my failed attempts here. I feel like I have tried just about everything!

Just last week I went through the house and picked up all the errant items and put them in a plastic bin and took it out to the garage. I now have two plastic bins and my three older children don't seem to notice things are missing yet and their rooms and play space are just as messy as they were three days ago. Back to square one - nothing has changed. I am seriously considering removing everything!

I realize that we have a case of too much. Don't we all?  Be honest. How many toys did you have as a child? And did you have a dedicated room to put it? Maybe that was our first mistake: thinking kids needed to have a space all their own to put their toys and play in. Having space just makes you want to fill it. Today I am wishing the house we rented didn't have an extra room obviously designed for this purpose. (Note to self: unless we can get this solved our next place will not have such a room.)

Granted we had a play space when we moved for residency when my son was only 16 months old. He didn't have much, but since we have added three additional children and extra stuff for all of them. I was so proud of myself for my amazing resourcefulness and garage sale treasures making our meager income do some remarkable things.  Isn't that what I was supposed to be doing? Wasn't part of my job to obtain things for my children to play with that would enrich their playtime experience and keep them occupied while I washed dishes or fed the baby? Maybe I missed the mark.

What I find so infuriating is that we just moved a few months ago and went through a purging cycle. We shouldn't be having this problem. Further, we haven't brought much of anything into the house. That has been our motto from the day we moved in. We are only here a year, we aren't brining anything in that we have to pack up and move again!

What we have is a clear case of children not having respect for their belongs. My children dump their stuff out and leave it. It isn't acceptable. I love this quote from the article "look around people, you are disgusting creatures". You really have to read the rest of it for context.

I can really relate to this woman who went on strike. I don't mind taking care of my family, I actually like it. But, as she puts it, it was the over-time as she cleaned up messes all day that didn't belong to her, that did her in. And like her, I find myself cleaning to make myself feel better, because I do feel better when the house is clean, but I don't really feel better because the entire time I am doing it I am upset that I have to clean up messes that don't belong to me! When I have to clean up their stuff, I can't spend time doing other things I need and want to do. Which in turns makes me a very grumpy mommy. They haven't quite caught on to that concept yet.

I don't think I could actually go on strike unless I made a commitment to leave the house altogether during the day. But I may have to modify my strike plans a little.

At this point I feel it necessary to disclose that my husband cleans up all of his own messes, and several that are not his. If I had to pick up after him as well I might have lost my mind long ago. Thank heavens his contributions have kept me sane this long!

Update: She blogged her strike here! The pictures alone are priceless. And after reading her blog in her own words, I could see myself being her minus the glass of wine. It's a fun read especially if you are tired of cleaning up other peoples messes:-)

Student Loan Fun

I had the happy occasion yesterday to go looking for our student loan statements. Sadly, I found them.

Here is the sobering news. Our total student loan debt (just medical school) now has a balance of $300,800.05 - next month it will likely be more. No, we haven't borrowed a dime since medical school but this balance is multiplying like rabbits! Maybe faster than rabbits:-)

In March of 2011 I documented our total student loan balance as $290,707 and growing. In 18 months the balance increased by almost $10,000! We have even made monthly payments of $230 on this loan ($2,760 last year and $2,070 so far this year). All those payments haven't slowed the snowball. If you are familiar with Dave Ramsey, our debt snowball seems to be working in reverse.

What is sobering is the total amount borrowed to attend medical school was only $240,725.31. The other 60,074.74 is all capitalized interest (and we have already paid interest that isn't included in that total). It's probably more like $65,000 over the last 6 1/2 years.

And then I read that you cannot deduct student loan interest payments from your income taxes if your modified adjusted gross income exceeds $150,000 married filing jointly (see IRS Publication). Guess what? For the tax year 2013 our income will exceed that! Or at least it better be so we have a fighting chance to pay back our student loans.

I know you can't deduct interest paid on most sources of debt: vehicles, credit cards, personal loans, etc. It would be a nice gesture if there were some kind of "break" for that portion of our future income that will be diverted to paying down this huge debt.

In the end the amount of "interest" we will pay will probably be around $80-100K depending on how fast we can get it paid.

Luckily, our interest rates are low: 3.375% on the majority of the balance, and 2.75% on about 1/4 of the balance. I know that for many of my friends, and readers, who started later you have much higher interests rates. I am so sorry, because I know your final numbers will look even more dreary.

If you have the ability to make payments on your student loans while in residency, consider doing it. At least you will be able to deduct the interest you pay on your taxes at a much lower rate and possibly increase your tax refund by reducing your taxable income. I know it's already pretty low, but lower is better.

If you can't, then you will deal with it later - like I am. It would have been impossible to start paying back our loans any earlier than we did. (Maybe not impossible, nothing is impossible). The only reason we started paying is because we had to. There was no way around it, and maybe we should have started residency planning on doing it instead of planning on deferring for as long as they would allow.

It will be happy day when I log on to post: WE DID IT- SALLIE MAE HAS BEEN PAID!

What is left to be decided is will we live like this until we do, or are we going to live a little? I know what my husband wants to do, so we will have some compromises to make. What are your plans for tackling student loan debt?

When I Grow Up...

Yesterdays post got me thinking about what it is that I want to do when I grow up. This much I have decided: when the doctor is a doctor, I am going back to school.

Oh, I already did it once.... I just didn't do it very well. Or rather not very effectively. After 5 years I didn't leave with a degree. I had my reasons (excuses), and DrH wasn't one of the them - although I wish he would have been. I would like to finish this time - before my children graduate.

I just about started two years ago, and then reality (tuition) hit and I decided this wasn't the right time. And it wasn't. We ended up having a baby. But this time, it is going to happen.

And I think I have decided upon the perfect program: I want to study money.

Yes. Money. Specifically, the world of finance.

I figure I already have a natural tendency towards saving and managing our finances now so why not expand on that to match our (presumed) financial needs in the future. Whether that means that I manage our investment/retirement accounts, or have someone else do it - I would really like to know what it all means and how it works. I don't want to blindly turn over our savings and cross my fingers. I want to KNOW. There are many things I want to KNOW.

The list of services and providers we may need in the future really opened up some possibilities for other training and education that could prove invaluable.

Law - think of all the legal implications surrounding the practice of medicine - somebody in the house should know what it means.

Business - being married to a doctor may mean being a part of the family business in one way or another.

Real Estate - finding the perfect house(s) or amassing a rental empire - this could be part of a wise investment strategy.

Architecture - why buy when you can build. Design your own dream home, every beam and door.

Interior Design - any home is going to need some personalization, and this would be fun to learn/practice.

I am sure there are many more areas of study and expertise that could come in handy to know now and in the future. Maybe I will be a forever student (like my DrH has been) and just start tackling them one by one.

What do you look forward to learning or doing when you grow up?

P.S. Don't forget Medical Monday's Blog Hop this Monday!!!!!

Creating Extra Cash

This week I have already introduced to you The Orange Bird and two doctors wives from my childhood as I ponder what a Doctor's Wife is. Today I'd like to write about other amazing women, some happen to be married to doctors in training. (Doctors in training = that long period of time when you both work harder than you ever have before and get paid less hourly than any other job you've ever had.)

Rather than naming the women - I am going to tell you about what they are doing with their talents, skills, and education to balance their desire to stay at home with their children and also provide income to fill in the gap between the doctor's salary and the expenses of life.

The difference between what our income is and our expenses are often just a few hundred dollars a month. Not enough to necessitate a full-time job, or even a part-time job, but enough to require some creative intervention. Maybe your income and expenses are balanced perfectly, but is so tight that saving for a vacation or Christmas is impossible without a little extra income. Sometimes the answer is getting a clock-punching job. Sometimes the answer is thinking outside the typical definition of working for a pay-check.

Keep reading to see how some spouses/significant others make the numbers "work" while doing what they love.

The Doctor's Wife Needs Some Cash!

Preschool - My daughter is now attending a home preschool run by the wife of a medical intern. She has a masters in Elementary Education and taught in public schools for 4 years. She loves teaching. She also has three small children. She has turned a room of their house into a preschool room, and it is amazing! Preschool meets for 3 hours, 2 days a week. Monthly tuition for this service is $100. She has 8 children enrolled this year. Do the math! That's an extra $800 month. That makes a huge difference. I am thinking a new van payment.

Dance lessons - both of my daughters are taking an introductory ballet class taught by another wife of a medical intern. She studied dance and choreography in college, and has a passion for it that started at a young age and continues to be a big part of her life. She teaches out of her home one day, 50 minute classes. She teaches 6 classes of varying levels in one day, with an average of 6 children per class. That's 36 students at $10 per weekly class for 12 weeks. She will average $1,440 per month.

Musical lessons - whatever your instrument of choice  (piano, voice, guitar, flute, violin, etc) there is someone who would like to learn. Leverage your skills and talents by teaching others. Depending on your level you could teach children, teens, or adults.

Direct Home Sales - if you have an outgoing personality, like real people, and have a product you love (as well as like an excuse to get together) home parties may be something that interest you. They have all sorts of products. Some that I am familiar with are: Mary Kay, Norwex, StampinUp, Gold Canyon Candles, Scentsy, Choffy, Uppercase Living, DoTerra, Lia Sophia, Silpada, Tastefully Simple, Pampered Chef, Thirty One, Stella Dot, and a zillion more. There is a home party business for just about everyone. A little online research will further prove that point. I am convinced there is a particular personality type that does really well in these endeavors - I am not one of them. I like to go, and there are lots of women who do!

Club Nights - a sister to the direct home sales that I have seen successfully done with creative products like Stampin Up! is the Club Night. You need to be a demonstrator to take advantage of this. It works as a guaranteed ordering pool each month. You recruit a number of your friends who enjoy stamping, and ask them to commit to a minimum order purchase every month over 12 months. You provide the supplies, project ideas and run the club night like a workshop. Everyone agrees to spend a certain dollar amount (and everyone always spends more) regardless of if they are able to attend or not. Each month has a rotating hostess who earns the benefits off the sales and provides the food/beverages. I belonged to a very successful club a few years ago. My obligated monthly order was $25, but it was always $35-$40. She had 24 members of the club and held two classes over a weekend each month. If everyone ordered the minimum, that months orders would be $600. Of course it will be more because spending exactly $25 is nearly impossible. You keep 20% of the sales which would be $120 profit each month. For the women attending it is just fun - they get to talk and be creative!

Beauty Services - the woman who currently cuts my hair now is a law-student spouse. She gives a great hair cut out of her home for $20 for adults and $10 for kids. If you already have acquired these skills, the amount of money required to start is really negligible. Haircuts don't require a huge investment of time and can be scheduled around just about anything. And if you are awesome you will be in demand. Who doesn't love a great cut at a great price. You can actually afford to keep that new short crop looking new all year long!

Mothers Day/Night Out - what a brilliant idea! I have seen this work twice already in our new city. A spouse of a resident posts one day a month when she will be open for a mother's day out. She sets the time and duration and number of children she will take. You commit to the full time, usually 3 or 4 hours. She also sets the price per child. By opening her home to multiple children at the same time she is maximizing her time and profits. I know I could use a day off, afternoon off, or evening off. I wish she would do it more often. Imagine if you only charged $3 per hour/child. You could charge more/less, you could take more children if you had help. If you had 4 children scheduled for a 4 hour block of time you would have made $48. If you did that every week that would be almost $200. I know my child have infinite more fun when other kids are around and it basically works like a big play date that has a fee associated and no reciprocation!

Technical Training - If you have a skill that others would like to learn, consider putting a class together and make some extra cash. I am planning on taking a photography class. It is a two week course, two nights a week for a total of 4 classes for $80. She had 23 people express interest in taking it. If each of those people actually schedule a class that is $1,840. I am thinking quick Christmas cash, or little vacation.

Photography - who doesn't love to have photographs taken? Digital cameras are amazing, but you still need a photographer with good editing skills to make them look professional. If you have a decent camera and some photo editing software this could be for you! How much would you pay for nice photographs. Twice in my life I have paid $100 for a session, and I thought that was steep. I love finding new photographers who are just getting started. Fall/Christmas time seems to be when everyone is wanting to have pictures taken. Stop practicing on your own family and jump in now! I would hire you:-)

Tutoring - are you good with math, reading, science? Depending on the grade level you might have just the skills to help another child with their studies through tutoring. Prices for tutoring can vary depending on area. Do some research and let people know you are available.

Accounting/Tax Services - if you prepare taxes there is a market for you. There is an entire country that needs to file their taxes before April 15 each and every year. I for one would rather have someone I know do them rather then the guy at the mall or paying for a fancy accounting firm to do them.

Catering Dinner - I have a friend who loves to cook. She likes it so much that she has turned it into a little business. She buys her groceries in bulk, makes a monthly menu, and offers to cook for others who might not have the time or energy to do it. She markets her services to working moms who want to feed the family home cooked meals, but doesn't have the time to do it consistently. The total cost to the customer is less than grabbing take out and is more wholesome. And my friend gets to do what she loves to do - COOK!

Sewing/Alterations - I can sew a straight line, but there are some things that I would never tackle. Hemming scares me, and I would never alter something myself. If you are good with a sewing machine, needle and thread you are set. Have you priced alterations lately? They can be pricey. Sewing or quilting unique one of a kind items are all the rage, you could be one of them.

Crafting - There are so many things that fall into this category! Jewelry making, card making, hair bows, home accents. Whatever you have a passion for there is a potential business there!

Furniture Refinishing - I recently met another resident wife who has gone into furniture refinishing. She finds old furniture at garage sales, off craigslist and even off the side of the road and fixes them up and sells them! Refinishing furniture isn't easy work, but it is amazing what a little elbow grease and paint/stain can do. People pay big bucks for stuff like this!

Think about the people you know and what services they need and use. Is there something that you can provide at a better value? Do you have a passion for something that people are willing to pay for? I like giving business to people that I know, or even better - people that are in the same situation as I am or have been. If I am going to spend the money anyway, I would rather it help a family - not just a business. Don't be afraid to network with those people.

As I have encountered these women I have often thought that I should have studied something more useful in college or developed marketable skills or at least excelled at a particular hobby!  And then I realized, I probably could have done something. At the time I just didn't possess the desire to do it. And I still don't! But if you do, maybe a few of these suggestions will make a difference.

If you are doing something other than what I have covered to contribute to your family finances from your home, leave me a comment and let me know what it is. I'll be sure to add it!

When You Are Broke....

Why when I am broke do I suddenly feel the urge to go all the way? To throw my hands up in the air and proclaim to the world that "fine, I am broke. If I am going to be broke I might as well be really broke!"

How did this happen? Oh, that's right we haven't had a paycheck in the last 30 days. That was a rather unpleasant surprise. Our program pays monthly on the first of the month. Under normal circumstances I would be elated! No more weird budgeting tricks to make things look better on paper than they did in the check register. But I got used to seeing deposits made every two weeks, and right now I would sure like to see one.

I am a little concerned, because payroll mistakes happen - and they are more likely to happen with the first check. We cannot have any hiccups in the system. Things must work as planned. No room for error. Technically, that money has already been spent!

I had a good chuckle with my husband this morning as I told him about the fiscal situation we are in. Everything has to arrive and be sent at exactly the right time for it all to work. One little mistake and we are in a whole lot of trouble. I don't think I am going to miss this suspense - you know, that day in the future where this will actually seem funny instead of horrifying. Can't get here fast enough.

For the last 30 days my balance has been in a nose dive and as we get closer to the end of the month the ground is getting ready to meet it. Everything is due in the next three days: rent, credit card balance (moving expenses), appliances. All the big ones are due this week.

I made the responsible mistake of checking my balance before heading out the grocery store. We left with a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. No fear, we have other food in the house so we aren't starving. But for the first time, in a long time, I didn't just pick up something else. We mean business.

Just before arriving at the grocery store I stopped at the UPS store to send a package. The documents for my husband board exam application and fee payment of $1,500! It is also due tomorrow - thus the overnight at the UPS store to the tune of $45.00.  We didn't send it earlier because it could have landed in our July billing cycle and could be due in 3 days. We aren't going to have the money in 3 days. Waiting until now makes certain it will land in our August billing cycle which is due in September. We didn't have to wait this long, but I can't handle looking at large balances. Oh, the games we have to play!

A reader previously asked me about the cost of a fellowship. I haven't forgotten your question, the bills just keep coming. I can say without a doubt that the past few months have been the most expensive months of our entire medical training. No lie. It is going to be a fun post to write!

I knew this perfect storm was coming and tried to prepare for it. I cashed out the last of my retirement savings. I know, not a good choice in normal circumstances. But, there is nothing normal about residency/fellowship. In the end, we decided that we needed the money more NOW than we will THEN. A few thousand dollars today means a lot more than it will next year (see how easily we rationalize our decisions). The only problem with this is that it takes 60 days to access, and our 60 days is up next week. I should have done that earlier and then all the fun I am having today would never have happened.

I wasn't kidding when I said our paycheck had already been spent. We need everything we currently have and that paycheck to make our bills this month. It isn't a pretty scenario. The money from my retirement account will keep us from living a paycheck behind and in the red. You know how I feel about being in the red. We have never actually gone there, I am not about to go there now. On the flip side it also means that our safety net is gone. There is no where else to go.

I need abundant thoughts. The kind of thoughts that grow on the branches of money trees, and rain down hundred dollar bills. I can see a thunderstorm of cash coming our way. The question is whether or not it will get here before the bills do.

In the meantime we may know the literal meaning of not having two nickels to rub together for a few days. Not really looking forward to that.

The Thank You Card I Don't Want to Write

I like cards. I send handmade birthday cards to my family and friends. I send handmade thank you cards to people who do nice things. I do it because I like to make them, and because I believe it is good manners.

Now that we have officially completed unpacking I have all my delicious supplies ready to work. I have thank you cards to be made for the women who helped me clean my house, the members of our congregation who brought my husband food while he was living alone, the nice man who sent my husband a clipping from the local newspaper he was mentioned in, the families who had us over for dinner when we visited for graduation, and the list keeps growing.

I like thank you cards, but there is one that I am preparing to write that doesn't have my heart in it.

It was "suggested" that we might want to pay for the increased utilities for the time that the kids and I stayed in my in-laws extra home. The suggestion wasn't made to me, but rather by my mother in law through my husband. Or my husband offered and they accepted! I am not sure exactly how it went down, he can't even remember how it came up. But, yesterday his mom asked about it so it appears to be on their mind too. It is his family, he gets to deal with that kind of stuff.

I need to write a thank you card, that includes a check for $200 to cover the utilities. But I don't want to. My feelings are hurt.

As you may recall, for two and half months the children and I spent time with our extended family in another state while my husband finished up his residency. Most of the time was spent with my parents because their home accommodated a large family, and they really wanted us there. They said as much. It is nice to be wanted.

About three weeks were spent in my in-laws "extra" house about 20 minutes from the home they live in. During our time there, we didn't see them very often. They had us over for church and dinner on Sundays. Maybe once or twice during the week we saw my mother in law but it was primarily at her daughters house (who lives around the block from them, in a home they purchased for her to "rent") with her children and husband.

They only reason we stayed there was so that we could spend time with them and it didn't happen as much as I thought it would. We were there so we wouldn't hurt their feelings. Had I known how infrequent it was going to be we wouldn't have stayed. I envisioned us spending every day together. Maybe not ALL day, but some of the day. During the last six years we only saw them once or twice a year. Kids this young grow fast, I assumed they would want to hang out with us... what else were we going to do? Sitting in a sparsely furnished house, in a city we haven't lived in for 6 years, with no DVD player, no cable, no Internet (finally I asked my neighbor to borrow their wifi). You get the picture.

They aren't hurting for money. They have no debts (except a small mortgage on the house they bought for the daughter which they are paying off as quickly as possible - I think the plan is 5 years), collect 3 retirements and 2 social security checks, and sold an airplane while we were there. The airplane was the source of some discussion during our visits. An airplane that has been disassembled for the last 10 years, sitting in a hangar they were paying monthly fees for. There is also an italian sports car in the garage that hasn't been driven in at least as long.

The house we stayed in has been vacant for the last 6 years. They have paid utilities on that empty house the entire time. Our three week stay I am sure did increase their bills for that one month. We provided our own groceries, entertainment, and left it clean.

They bought their daughter a house last year! Her assisted rent is less than half of our current rent, 46% to be exact. They put a huge down payment on it so the monthly mortgage would be small enough for their daughter to handle until her husbands grandmother passed away and she would be able to pay them back. She is still having a hard time making that commitment. But the grandma did pass away, so there should be money soon.

It is almost like they forgot who they were talking to. Remember, we are the kids who just lost the equivalent of $40,000 cash when we sold our house. They know that. We are the ones who don't ever ask to borrow money, we figure it out or do without. We just spent a small fortune moving and getting set up in a new state. I am praying our first paycheck comes before the bills do. When will that first paycheck be here?

My parents on the other hand, have significantly less, and didn't ask for anything. We stayed there knowing we were loved and welcomed. Not once would my mother have suggested we help buy groceries (although I did), or contribute something to the utility bill.

I know it is only $200 and not worth having hard feelings over, and I am going to send it today. But it is $200 and $200 means a lot to us right now. We aren't done yet, and when we are we have a pile of student loan debt that is going to take more lean living years to pay off. Surely, they couldn't have forgotten so quickly.

They can have my $200, but they aren't getting a handmade card. (pout)

Mid-life Crisis

Yesterdays post was all about graduation, but I left out a piece because it deserved it's own post.

My DrH is coming up on 40. I know!!!! And he is officially in midlife crisis mode. I understand why, but I feel awful for being the one to put the brakes on his urge to go crazy and spend like a drunken sailor.

When he was down last month we stopped at the local Porsche dealer and picked out our "date" car: a cayman. I love that car. I have a great picture of me leaning up against that beautiful car. Could I ever really own one and feel good driving it around. Maybe. I'd be willing to give it a try. It would be a far cry from the 2001 mini-van!

After graduation, we spent Saturday test driving BMW's:-) It was lovely. In fact, I fully support his desire to have a nice car.... when the time is right. Sadly, now is not the time. I do feel bad about it. I want him to have a nice car. I want him to have something that marks his achievement and hard work. I do. It would be great if we had loads of money in the bank and not a care in the world. As it is we have a lot of expenses coming up. Most of those have to do with that fellowship. We could have been done!

But we aren't really done yet, are we? We still have a fellowship to start and finish and we don't have a job offer, yet

He has always been a car guy, but lately it's become obsessive. It doesn't help that all the other residents in the program have nice cars. They also don't have 4 kids and a stay at home wife. That makes a difference.

He has been driving their cars. Looking at their cars. He compares his old Camry with the other cars in the doctors parking lot and feels sad. I get that.

We compromised a little. I told him the 1 series looks cheap. The 3 series are all over the road. If he wants to get a 5 series sedan I will totally support that after he has a signed contract for a lucrative job. That seems fair, doesn't it?

I thought so, but now he tells me he has changed his mind about what he wants. Now it is an Infiniti FX. If I wait long enough maybe he will come back around to the Toyota Camry way of thinking.

The Delivery Boy

This is totally random, but it struck me as profound when I realized it.

My DrH and I were sitting on the couch watching the comedian Jim Gaffigan on Netflix. He is seriously funny, and his humor isn't raunchy. I don't like raunchy. He does talk an awful lot about food so I immediately feel a connection with him.

Jim (my funny friend who likes to talk about food) was doing a bit on how people order food from their favorite place and have it delivered, but how good can it be if we are too lazy to go get it ourselves ...yadda, yadda. It was funny, I am not funny - go check him out.

I looked at my husband and asked very seriously if we had ever ordered food and had it delivered. The answer was NO. I am in awe that in 8 years we have never, ever, had food delivered to us. Not a pizza, not Chinese, nothing. We do eat out, but we go pick it up. We have never even had a discussion contemplating whether we should have something delivered. The thought hasn't even crossed our mind!

That is the ultimate in cheap. No tip, no delivery fee.

I am feeling like I may need to order something just to say I have! As I write that sentence I realize at the present moment that would be completely ridiculous. We have a pizza place less than a mile away.... that would be the ultimate in lazy. I'll have to wait for a time to make it really worthwhile. Who am I kidding, I probably won't do it.

Copy Paper Gifts

Because I took a large chunk of time off from blogging I realized that I missed some topics that I wanted to cover. So I am going back in time.

We celebrated our anniversary a couple of months ago. It coincided with our house hunting trip so technically we had a lavish celebration staying in hotels and eating out for a long weekend.

If you recall I purchased my husband a hard back copy of Harry Potter volume one. Romantic right? But I never followed up with what he got me!

For a long time I have wanted a matching diamond band to wear with my engagement ring and wedding band. We have never had the money to buy one... there was always something else we needed. More specifically, there was always something else that the house needed. Darn home ownership! (Yep, I could have bought lots of diamonds without that house:-)

This year I was surprised! There was a small bag with a small jewelry box inside. Can you guess what was in the box?

There was a picture of the ring that I want. It wasn't even a color copy but a true to size photocopy of the ring that I would like.... one day. He successfully convinced the jewelry store to make the copy, give him a bag and box, and they even threw in chocolates:-) He must have told him that he was a poor resident and that one day he would be a full fledged doctor who will be buying diamonds (I hope). How many husbands would go through that kind of trouble for a photocopy gift? He also took my rings in to have them cleaned so they were sparkly and new for our anniversary. So sweet.

For all of our married years we have at one time or another given "IOU" gifts. They are really sweet, and because it is the thought that counts it feels almost as good as getting the real thing. I cherish the gifts that he would have purchased if he could have. I know our time is coming to an end (finally!), and that shortly we will have the means to purchase the real deal. Knowing that makes me a little sad. Just a little.

When you don't have much you use your imagination and get creative. I hope we can keep a little of that as we move through the next chapters of our more potentially prosperous life. Here's hoping medicine is still a profitable career choice when we have a paycheck!

Moving Day Drama

I wish the drama was actually confined to just a day, but nothing ever happens in just one day. Moving is a process that can takes weeks if not months.

In our case it really was months. We spent a significant amount of time before our house went on the market sorting through the stuff. Trash, Donate, Keep, Store, Pack Now, etc. The tedious part was finished before the moving part took place.

Then as moving day approached it became apparent that this wouldn't be a family activity, this would be me packing the entire house myself. In my DrH defense, he did provide all the boxes. Another perk of working at a hospital - they have a never ending supply of boxes. Everything we own is packed in a box that is marked Kimberly-Clark, or one of a half dozen other suppliers.

We are cheap, but you already knew that. That factor heavily contributed to our choice of storage/transportation providers. But we also came to our senses and realized that some convenience would be worth it. And before I forget, the credit goes to my drH for taking care of that arrangement. We needed to store out items for a couple months and have them transported to our final destination (wherever that will be).

In the end he choose PODS. But here is where it gets interesting. Because we don't know where we will be living in July, we don't know how much room we will have so we erred on the small side and committed to taking only what would fit in one 16x8x8 box. 1 box is cheaper than 2, and we could replace whatever didn't fit cheaper than getting another POD. That is right, a family of 6 in one little box. And let me tell you it was little.

The nice thing is that the POD was delivered a week before we moved, so I packed the boxes and stored them neatly in the basement and as drH had time he would load the box (with surgical precision I might add). We knew that we would be needing to dispose of more items before a single box went it.

The day came for the POD to be picked up and while most of the stuff we wanted made it, some very important pieces that should have been in it didn't make it. Namely the baby's crib. That is a funny story.

The night before the big day, my friend offered to let us borrow her pack'n'play so we could take the crib down and pack it that night. My drH tossed that suggestion aside thinking that he would have time to take it apart that morning. I looked at him with the eyes that said are you sure? Well, morning came and so did the truck as he was still taking the crib apart, the long hard way - the truck wasn't waiting around.

So when we arrive I need to purchase a place for the baby to sleep, a vacuum, a boys bicycle, lamps and furniture. The only pieces we took were: our bed, a guest bed, our sons mattress, 1 dresser, kitchen table and chairs, entertainment center, 2 book cases, 1 cubby storage thing, 1 couch and 1 chair.

We gave away or donated a cedar chest, a large dresser w/ mirror, a toddler bed, a convertible crib/bed, a rocker/ottoman, computer desk and chair, 3 small book cases, a childs table with 4 chairs, a dresser, a filing cabinet, 3 lamps, and 2 chairs.

Typing it makes it seem like more than it really was. I couldn't feel too bad about giving the stuff away seeing as most of it was donated to us, or picked up off the side of the road, and was certainly college furniture. I almost wish some of our other pieces would have been left behind so they could be replaced. I say that like I have the money to replace such things!

In the end, it all went away and the truck drove off with our stuff. We cleaned and said goodbye. I think leaving the house for the last time was harder on my drH than it was for me. His memories were only good ones. Because I lived there every day, and paid the bills that drained our accounts and robbed our time, I was less sentimental about saying "so long". That and I feel like the house had betrayed me and I hold a grudge.

Would I do it again? I don't know, and since we don't have that option I am not going to give it another thought. What's done is done. Onward and upward.

Did I Forget Anything

I know I have rambled on about budgets, income, housing, mortgages, etc. I hope I didn't scare you away, or lose you forever, but this particular topic is something I am passionate about and couldn't rest until I said everything I wanted to say.

If you have stuck out the past few weeks, thank you!

If you are interested in re-reading these posts, or directing your medical friends, I have created a new page tab that contains the links to each post in the series.

Now that I have finished my frantic writing, let me ask you: 

Did I miss anything? Do you have any questions for the doctors wife?

Is there anything you would like my take on (since I so willingly give my opinion on everything)?

Feel free to contact me via email  at fromadoctorswife@gmail.com or leave a comment on this post if you have suggestions for other topics.

What is next? I don't know. I do know that I need to start packing up this house, I need to move in just a few short weeks, find a place to live (2 actually), and move cross country. No problem!

Time to catch my breath and make a new plan for the next chapter in our medical history: Fellowship!

Making It Work

There is a very good chance that even after my warnings and my story, which incidentally is not as unique as you might think, you will still find yourself in a precarious financial situation.

Take a deep breath.

Do you have a plan?

Right now is the time to sit down with your spouse/significant other and talk about what your strategy will be when trouble comes. Not IF, but WHEN.

Where will that extra money come from? Not just the extra money for your regular living expenses, but the extra money for the "Oops, that wasn't supposed to happen".

Here are some examples of things that did go wrong over 6 years. But they didn't all happen in the 6th year, they came like rolling waves from the very beginning, one right after the other.

• Paid off car blows head gasket, now has cracked engine block.
• Paid off car only fits 5, our family now is 6.
• Financed car loses a transmission.
• Water heater goes out.
• Air Conditioning unit goes out on July 4th:-)
• Dishwasher needs to be replaced after having been serviced twice without success.
• Deck is peeling, needs sanding and painting (twice in 6 years, probably could use it again).
• Grandparents 60th wedding anniversary and HUGE family reunion, want to go!
• Grandfather passes away, want to attend funeral.
• Sister gets married out of state, want to go!
• Baby(s) is born, not free.
• Tires need to be replaced.
• Brakes need to be replaced.
• Student loans are coming due, and can't be postponed any longer (TRUE)!
• Garage door opener gives up.
• Aluminum fascia on house blows off in wind storm needs repaired.
• Roof needs replaced.
• Trees need trimmed and they are too big for you to do.
• Grass needs fertilized, treated, weeds destroyed.
• Chimney needs cleaning.
• Lawn mower needs repaired.
• Screens torn, need repaired thanks to those big trees that didn't get trimmed in time because you have no money.
• More babies, more diapers, more beds, more food, more, more, more, more. (But I love them:-)
• Son starts school, registration fees.
• Computer crashes, needs replaced.
• Gas prices go through the roof.
• Property taxes increase.
• State income taxes increase.
• Healthcare insurance increases.
• Fellowship costs (seriously, expensive).

This isn't even everything, but hopefully will give you a good idea about what could happen, and what does happen and how creating a plan will never be a bad idea.

What are some options for adding extra cash to your reserves so you are prepared when IT happens?

Our story I have already shared in bits and pieces. Here is the readers digest version. Six months into our intern year (after having bought a house that would be too expensive to sell e.g., fees) we ran through our savings. In January I started working from home (with an infant and 2 year-old). I worked for a year but didn't make that much and my ability to perform my real job as wife/mother was compromised. It took up so much time and energy to juggle my responsibilities that I didn't have time to make and keep friends, or be involved in anything. I worked and took care of my family. There wasn't an extra moment.

After working for a year we found out we would be expecting again and I told my husband there was no way I could continue doing what I was doing. Our family was suffering, and with three kids everything would suffer and for what? We were both stressed nearly to the breaking point.

Making a commitment like this isn't for everyone. He had previously looked into the Military Reserves and was interested, but I didn't want him to commit. That was before we were broke, tired, stressed out. Six months later, and in the second half of PGY2 he joined the reserves.

Without their stipend there is no way we could have made it this long. The long list above... the only way we were able to take care of those things was because of the extra income we received. The only way we were able to save anything for when the next thing happened, was because of that extra income. There is no possible way we could have made it work on just his resident salary - No Way.

And it wasn't possible because we lived an extravagant lifestyle. We didn't. It wouldn't work. Our housing costs (mortgage and utilities) took up one entire paycheck plus some every single month. Don't let that happen to you!

Make your plan NOW!

Some of these we have used, others are not options, others are things I have heard of. Use it as a spring board to create your own plan.

• Borrow from family
• Use credit card
• Obtain work
• Moonlight
• Signing with a large hospital affiliation, like HCA
• Getting a stipend from a specific group or hospital that you will commit to
• Joining the military full-time or reserves
• Selling valuables
• Cash out stock, life insurance policies, 401(k)

A note about the above options: these might not be available to you.

Before you make assumptions about borrowing from family, moonlights, getting a job, etc. Make sure that is possible!

Family may not  be willing or able to lend money. If you use a credit card where will the money come from to make the payments? Getting a job could prove difficult or counter-productive. Moonlighting may be prohibited. Signing with a hospital group may not be available in your specialty or they may not have a hospital in a state you are interested in working in.  Getting a stipend at the beginning of residency isn't heard of very often, don't assume you will be the exception. Joining the military (we did reserves), they might not need anyone in your specialty and it doesn't happen over-night. Selling stuff, eventually you will run out of stuff to sell - then what? Cashing out long-term savings instruments can be expensive or you may not have any.

My husband had a life insurance policy his parents had set up for him, that he was paying on. Not only was it a monthly expense ($25 or something like that) it had monetary value that we needed. Maybe not the wisest decision, but he was covered through work now so we eliminated that expense and cashed out his policy. I think it amounted to $2,500 but that was money we sorely needed.

I worked prior to our getting married and had some assets in a 401(k) plan. Taking money out of retirement plans isn't something to be done lightly. It is taxed heavily, and is further penalized through the tax code. You only get about 70% of the amount you take out. It could push you into another tax bracket in some cases negating whatever gain you realized.

Take another deep breath, and make a plan. Please. You will feel better knowing it is in place even if you never need it, and I really hope you don't.


NEXT: Did I Forget Anything?

Renting Myths Debunked

I know many people feel that renting a home is like throwing money away. I hope in my previous posts I have adequately demonstrated that sometimes owning a home IS throwing money away!

Public policy is partly to blame for the negative stigma attached to renting. I found this article in my research that you might find interesting. You might be thinking that you could use the tax advantage associated with paying interest. Calculate that very carefully. If you don't have enough deductions to itemize you will take the standard deduction anyway. Taxes = politics and politics can change. The mortgage interest deduction may not always be around.

Let me remind you that we are a unique group, but we are still in training. There will be time for home ownership later. This is the time to enjoy the consistency and security that comes with renting a home or apartment. Let someone else be responsible for the maintenance, replacement, upkeep, potential depreciation, wear and tear, etc that comes with home ownership.

Owning a home is not all it is cracked up to be! When you rent, you know what your rent is. When you own you never know what problem is waiting around the corner or when it will strike. I might add that it will never come at a good time, and you will never have the money when it does. When you rent, you have someone to call to fix what is broken. If they don't fix it you have recourse. When you own your home, there is no one to call unless you have the money:-)

I could never have dreamed of the expenses we incurred just in maintenance. Owning a home has an untold number of hidden expenses that I have tried to detailed. The fees getting in, the maintenance staying in, and the fees getting out. All of which are expenses that are associated only with owning.

You may make the mistake of thinking that you don't need to worry about what happens when you go to sell because you will be a rich doctors' wife. Don't take that naive approach to this very important decision.

There are too many variables that can sabotage your best intentions. You don't have to look very hard to find someone whose:

• Residency programs closes
• Program isn't a good fit
• Husband changed their minds about specialties
• Husband decided to do a fellowship:-)

When you own a home you are tied down. It is a burden you will carry every month, every year.

I hope the housing market recovers enough to provide families a sense of security in owning a home. I really do. Buying a home was never intended to be a short-term situation. For people who will be living in their home a long time, buying and paying that mortgage off as quickly as possible is a great idea. For those of us just passing through the last thing we need is a mortgage and house to take care of.

Remember you are not like everyone else. This financial situation is temporary for you. Your light at the end of the tunnel is at least a light! Because your future is different, making money (or losing it) on a house is not something you need to be concerned with. 

Right now your job is to get trained and move on. What is an immediate concern is providing for yourself and your family. The best way to do that is to eliminate unnecessary risk. Owning a home right now is an unnecessary risk. Your budget will have a better chance of survival if you can keep your largest monthly expense constant, no surprises, no hidden fees.

I love this quote by Dave Ramsey,  

IF YOU WILL LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE, 

LATER YOU CAN LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE!

Your time will come! It will be here before you know it!

I know you have dreams of decorating and painting. Guess what? Many landlords will let you do whatever you want, provided it is tasteful or is painted the original color when you leave. Don't let yourself get hung up on paint! The good news is that there are many people in tough situations who need to rent their homes - there is no shortage of rentals.

Entire industries exist telling you that buying a home is always the right decision. Realtors (I know I have at least one realtor reader:-) make commissions every time a home is sold. In the last 6 years our home has generated $17,000 in brokerage fees alone.

HGTV would have us believe that we can take any house and with a couple hundred dollars turn it into a magazine worthy show piece. Home Improvement stores are like Disneyland to a person who owns a home! Home inspectors, appraisers, radon mitigators all profit from the buying/selling of homes. Local governments must love the constant turn-over, they collect transfer taxes. Bankers will let you borrow more than you should. Home buying and selling might not be a good deal for you, but it is a heck of a deal for everyone else.

The only person looking out for your best interests is YOU! The only person who is concerned about the welfare of your family is YOU! The only person who can make this very important decision is YOU!

Next: Making It Work

When It Is Time To Sell

This is the final (I think) story in my housing saga.

We sold our house!!! Yeah and congratulations to us. It was on the market for 5 days, sold for $500 less than our asking price. We close on April 13, 2012. Why am I not happy?

When you buy a house the last thing on your mind is selling it, but I suggest you may want to consider it first.  We have sold our house too early! Which I agree is better than selling too late. Homes in our area are on the market an average of 57 days. That would have been perfect, and what we were counting on. We don't finish residency until June 30 and will be homeless on April 13.

Why homeless? Because finding a rental property for 3 months is nearly impossible unless you are willing to pay for 6 months. So.... our options at the moment are:

1. DrH live with a friend (or sleep in the call room), kids and I drive across country and stay with our family.
2. Temporary corporate suites (hotel) at $3,000/month
3. Kids and I go to fellowship location early and wait.
4. Live in a friends house that is for sale, unless she sells it before then.
5. Find someone who is wanting out of their lease and just the right time.

I don't know where we are living! 

Hint: if we had been renting we would just tell our landlord when we will be vacating the premises. Much easier! Something to think about.

But the purpose of this post is to wrap up the costs associated with owning a home. Buying a home costs a little up front. Owning the home, costs a fair amount, if you keep it up. Selling a home is an expensive endeavor.

To recap expenses up to this point:

Settlement/Closing fees at time of purchase: $3,331.09

Improvements/Maintenance to home: $20,000
Settlement/Closing fees SOLD $ 11,828
Total Expenses = $35,159 (not including depreciation)

This is how those seller closing fees breakdown (this is from our estimated proceeds sheet, which I told my realtor the name should be changed because there are NO proceeds).

State Taxes ($1.50/$1,000) = $201.60
Title Policy ($4.00/$1,000) = $537.60
Release of Mortgage = $40
Home Warranty to Buyer = $475
Attorney Fee= $300
Brokerage Fee (6%) = $8,064.00
Property Taxes = $1,075 (partial year)
Radon Mitigation = $800
Inspection repairs = $335
Total = $11,828

Here is another way to look at how much owning a house has cost us over the last 6 years.

Getting in the house = $3,331.09
Staying in the house = $20,000
Getting out of the house = $11,828
Total = $35,159

This total represents real dollars associated with buying, selling, and maintaining a home. This is money directly from our pocket. This is money that had nothing to do with paying our mortgage payment every month.

Let me put it in perspective this way. Even if we didn't make a single repair or improvement, just the total fees of getting in and out of a house for our family totaled $15,159.09. We will have been in this house for 69 months. Those fees divided by 69 months equals a cost of $220. That is what it cost us each month to live in this house in just fees! And the fees would be the same regardless of how long we stayed here. One year or ten, the fees are based off the purchase price and have nothing to do with how long you have owned the home. The shorter the stay the more expensive the fees per month. The longer the stay the less expensive.

For all of that expense what did we get in return?

Purchase price in 2006: $145,000

Selling Price in 2012: $134,400

Value Lost = $10,600 - this represents that portion of our mortgage payment that was applied to principle every month, gone.

After we payoff our mortgage balance of $128,000 and pay our closing fees of $11,828 we will still have to pay $5,428 to sell our house. That is money directly out of our "deep" pockets.


Between equity lost, fees, and improvements the total amount we have lost is $45,759.

I can hear you! You just said that things are different now. Really? Tell me about it in 5 years, maybe it will be. Maybe it won't. Are you willing to take that risk?

Next: Renting Myths Debunked.