Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Depends On How You Define Success

I know you're dying to know whether I remained strong or if I fell off the wagon. The results: I did stay away from my iPad, and therefore Netflix, all day yesterday and I haven't touched it today!  But I am not ready to pat myself on the back just yet.

I was partially successful, because I wasn't able to stay away form the computer. How many times do I really need to check my email? There is never anything there that requires my urgent attention. Do I even care what hundreds of my closest friends are doing at this very moment? No one really does anything that exciting. And if I were going to post something of FB today it would be "these cookies smell like donuts". Now how important is that? Is there anything happening in the world that is so earth shattering that if I don't read it the second it happens I will perish? Not likely. This machine has such a powerful influence over my life. But what would this experiment be if I didn't learn something along the way?

I use the Internet, and all that encompasses, like a drug. I noticed it yesterday when I was trying to abstain from it's siren call. When the day just isn't going how I would like, when things seem to be overwhelming, when the kids aren't listening, when I am bored with what I have to do - I look for the exit door. I want to escape!  I can't literally escape because I have children that need supervision, so I retreat within my own home, from the people who love and need me. The sad news is I have been escaping far too much. I can see that now. I have been little better than a TV and McDonalds in terms of caring for my family.

Netflix isn't to blame, it just happened to be my escape of choice. We should be glad that it isn't something really bad. When I removed it yesterday something else popped up to take its place. If only I could be addicted to healthy eating, cleaning, or laundry we wouldn't be having this conversation! I have made my home a prison instead of a sanctuary. Not just for myself but for my children also. We need to get out of the house more and I need to stop using my crazy married to a resident, lonely, tired, no money, no time life as an excuse for not living.

So what am I going to do? Well for starters I went to the gym and took a yoga class. I need that music piped into my house to help keep me calm (maybe I'll set up a Pandora station for that). I vowed not to raise my voice at my children and to actually interact with them and tell them that I love them. I am going to limit the amount of time my children are plugged in, too. I will be firm but not mad.

Can I really give up the Internet? Well that would be silly, not to mention impossible. Look how much I have learned about myself just from keeping this blog! There is something about pouring your heart and soul into the universe that is very therapeutic.  I'm not about to sacrifice this valuable outlet, but I do need to tip the scales in favor of balance. I am still working out what that would look like. I think I have been out of balance for quite a while now. No more excuses, time to snap out of it.

1 comment:

  1. Don't you DARE think about giving up the internet... I love your posts, and your raw honesty. And when we get started with residency (again) I'm going to be the one needing YOU!!
    Good for you on two fronts - the no netflix, AND the yoga class. I have never taken yoga before but I have always always wanted to. Setting up that Pandora station sounds like a really good idea actually.. (too bad us poor Canadians don't have the ability to use it here! What's up with that?!)
    I'm working hard at just loving and enjoying my kiddos. Some days things get so overwhelming and it's hard to do that - but we can only do our best right? And you're doing just that!


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