Wow, a whole week passed since I last blogged? That is shameful. I've thought about it, plenty of times. But this week has been hard.
I don't know if it was the sudden turn of the weather or if life has just caught up with me. I feel drained. In fact, Saturday I didn't get out of bed until 4:00 pm and that is only because my husband was close to having me admitted to the crazy ward. Not that I was crazy. You can't be crazy if you can't get out of bed:-) But he did make me get up, dressed and leave the house.
I was tired. Really tired. So the baby and I stayed in bed. Feeding, watching movies, sleeping. I didn't really want to leave. He hadn't been home most of the week, and I was more than ready for him to tend the other three kids. I wasn't leaving that bed! Truthfully, I would rather be in bed right now. I know I am not getting "quality" sleep. I wake up in the morning tired, and need a nap in the afternoon if I can get one. Part of it is obvious: I have an almost 3 month old infant... and 3 months without good sleep is a long time. I don't see any way around it though. Wait, I just thought of one: she could grow up. That will take time and I really don't want to rush it. She is already growing too fast and as she is most likely our last baby I would rather time stop for a while.
I am sure other women who have children feel the same way, and that being married to a resident isn't the only reason, but I can't help but feel that is part of it. A big part of it. He is home so little that it really is just me most of the time. Day in and day out. I am exhausted, and we've been going at this pace for a long time. I need my sleep in order to stay on top of it. When I can't sleep we all seem to suffer.
So today the only thing I am making myself do is blog and take a nap. The refrigerator is nearly empty, the laundry needs to be done, the floors need vacuuming, the girls hair needs to be brushed, you name it - it needs to be done. But most days I just can't do it all. I feel bad, because my DrH has really been picking up a lot of the slack, which I appreciate. He knows when things are getting bad without me having to say so and he does all that he can. But he is tired too.
I know "tired" isn't the only reason. We need to spend some time together, but we don't get any. When he is home one of us is usually asleep. When we try to get out (always at the last minute because you can't really plan ahead for much), we can't find a babysitter. We haven't had a night out alone since the baby was born. She is 3 months old!
I am also worrying about things that I shouldn't really be worrying about right now. Specifically, selling our house this spring. I know it is only September, but spring is right around the corner! There is so much to do and time is moving too quickly. I am too tired to get started. The DrH isn't around to do it. We don't have the money to do it. We have to sell it. I wish we'd never bought it.
So all of these things are conspiring against me. No worries, I am doing much better. I need a nap, a night out, and a handyman. Today I will have to settle for just a nap.