Weighty Matters

Since I've already started blabbing about health and weight I might as well just say it: I am obsessed with weight.

I'm not a big girl, nor am I a skinny girl. I wish I would have enjoyed being skinny when I was, but I didn't think I was so I didn't. Now I look back on those days wishing I could only look that good again. It's like missing what my breasts used to look like before having kids. Once you go down that path there is no turning back.

I figure over the last 7 years I have gained and lost over 150 pounds! Basically for the last 7 years my weight hasn't been constant for more than a month or two thanks to the continuous cycle of being pregnant (gaining) or breast feeding (losing). I have no idea what my actual normal weight would look like now. I like to think a skinny girl lives in here somewhere. I love the gym like a skinny girl and love cookies like a chubby girl. As I am writing this I am shoveling chocolate chip banana bread down for lunch:-)

But here is the problem I really have with my weight. I have this silly, preconceived notion that by virtue of married to a doctor I have a certain "image" I need to live up to for the peoples sake. Part of that image is being thin and attractive. I recognize this is messed up. I don't even know how I came to possess this particular notion. But I don't think it is just me. I think people expect doctors wives to be a certain way and are disappointed when they aren't. Oh me and my messed up thoughts! Why should I care what anyone else thinks? It's a recipe for disaster, and not even a delicious one.