How Not To Make Friends

Today I talked with a young woman from my church who has children the same age as mine. We were talking about play groups and how we should start one.  She indicated that there is a group that meets together for a weekly play group but she didn't go anymore.  They were mostly attended by the medical wives and, according to her experience, all they did was talk about their husbands, how much money they were going to make, what kind of state benefits they could get while in school, and their latest purchases.

I wanted to die. I hope she wasn't putting me in that group by virtue of my husbands profession. I could tell this woman wasn't impressed with what she saw. And no wonder that no one other than the medical wives went to play group.  Who would want to sit around and hear that every week? I sure wouldn't!

So a word to my medical friends. It is rude to talk about such things in public. It is one thing to have a discussion with your friends who are in the same boat, but when you do it with others who aren't in the same boat, or even floating on the same ocean, it comes off as exclusive and aloof. Certainly not a way to make friends.

It is in poor taste, regardless of what your husband is studying or what his income potential may be, to discuss salaries. Or maybe I am just old-fashioned, it could be that.

I am well aware that my family income potential is xyz and our friends and family know what he is doing and can take guesses at what that might be. They don't need me or my husband to tell them. And we don't plan to. Likewise, anyone who knows that your spouse is studying to be a doctor can make a guess about what kind of income future he has without hearing it from you. The Internet can tell anyone just about anything who is interested in knowing.

My point is, not everyone has the same income trajectory. Most of the people we will meet during training are at or near their maximum income potential for their particular career. They aren't going to have the same day/night experience that you and I will have.  It is true. But just because it is true, doesn't change the fact they no one wants to hear how much money you expect to make in five years and how that amount is going to be several times more than you make today. And just because you might temper it with a confession of your student loan debt doesn't make it sound any better.

Don't do it.

Many people live on the salary that you and I do through residency for most of their life and make it work. I have complained here about how difficult it is, but it will end. Maybe it is only difficult because I know what is coming. For many, it will never end, or it will only change in small increments. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to make this our life AND know that it wouldn't be changing. I can also imagine how insulting it would be to hear a resident wife complain out loud about her misfortune but that in a few years it will all be a distant memory.