Did you know that October is Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Awareness month? No. I didn't either, but that is probably because I have never lost a pregnancy or an infant.
I almost feel bad about never having a miscarriage at any stage because I know so many women who have. I don't want to experience what they have, but I feel a sense of shame in the fact that it is an experience that I can not directly relate to. I do not know what it is like. I have had nightmares about it, and those have been real enough.
My sisters have each had a least one miscarriage. Multiple friends of mine have experienced a miscarriage. I have a dear friend who lost her child during delivery after years of trying to conceive and carrying the baby to full-term. My heart broke for her, and still does when I think about it.
I have friends who recently had babies, are expecting, and at various stages of gestation. Life is fragile. One minute it is here, the next it is gone, and often there is no explanation for what went wrong. And no answer to the question "WHY".
I recently read this article in Doctor's Wives Living that has brought up the events of last summer with my friend and her baby finally born but not living. The author talks about how it doesn't matter if the loss was 5 hours or 50 years ago - the hurt is still present just under the surface. I cannot imagine a loss of that magnitude.
I look at my children and can't comprehend my life without any one of them, and yet realize I have very little say in the matter.