$$ Giddy $$

I try to pretend that I don't care about the money, that I only want as much as I need (I just happen to need more than I have right now), but if I am going to be completely honest (like I promised) - I am a little giddy over the prospects of actually having money one day. Lots of money!

Last week after watching an episode of Design Star,  HGTV had a sneak preview of a new show it is launching (or is hoping to). Maybe you saw it? Donna Does/Decorates Dallas. It is an awful name, and her decorating taste isn't my taste but I had to allow a smile to pass my face and linger when the client she was working with was a Neurosurgeons wife. That got my attention. Their house was HUGE! I don't think I have ever seen a home that large. I think that was the first time it actually hit me that my husband was going to be a practicing Neurosurgeon in less than 2 years. Twenty-two months to be exact, but who is counting (that darn fellowship)! Is this what we really have to look forward to?

As luck would have it my DrH was home that evening and watching with me. Of course he had a text book in front of him so he wasn't technically watching. But, even he had to stop and take a look.  I know they were in Texas, and everything is bigger in Texas - or so I hear. Even if we had half the house that was on the show it would still be too big. I could probably get used to it though, or at least I would give it a good try.

The best part was the husband. After the designer comes in and tells them the plans he looks at his wife and says "I thought we were just getting a new blanket for the bed". Tens of thousands of dollars later they had a brand new master bedroom suite. Ah, to have a master suite.

As I got thinking more about the episode a few things occurred to me.

1. Her husband is an attending Neurosurgeon (not a resident/fellow anymore), and he didn't realize that she was just going for it? Forget a blanket, we need a whole room make-over! They still don't have enough time to talk about something as important as remodeling of their bedroom. Don't they talk? Why did they pick the bedroom? Are there problems there? Surely, if you never see your spouse there probably are. He was calm about the whole thing, but a little distant.

2. Is she crying out for help? She was beautiful and well dressed, but something I recognized in her eyes said she might be lonely. Maybe I was projecting some of my feelings onto her, but I almost got the impression that she was looking for a designer almost like looking for a friend. Someone to talk to, spend time with, go shopping with, something to do. She seemed happy on the outside (for the cameras) but sad on the inside. I wanted to hug her, to be her friend. Most of the time that is what I feel like I am doing. I put on the happy outer shell that signals I have everything together, I can handle anything, I am a strong and capable woman who has a wonderful life. And I do believe all those things, but a lot of the time I feel lonely and that everything is falling apart around me.

As exciting as it is to have some extra money lying around one day, I know money can't solve all problems.

I understand the show is being rebroadcast sometime in September. I am going to watch it again and ignore all the design and pay more attention to her, maybe I am wrong.