Wednesday, August 17, 2011

He Is A Big Boy

I am beginning to think I've done something wrong along the way. I was talking with my husband about his student loans, and how so many of the women I've virtually met, have been so involved with that part of their husbands training.

When we got married DrH was a MSIII. He had already applied for his student loans and I never saw any paper work, just the statements that would come as a reminder of what was waiting for us when we were done. I didn't know how the process worked, I assumed he did. (I now believe that no one knows exactly how they work, even the people who service the loans). We accepted what was previously set up without question. I think I did pose the question after I stopped working and our son was born. We were receiving the monthly equivalent of $1,800 and I couldn't believe that it couldn't be adjusted for his growing family. Did they really give a bachelor the same amount in student loans as a family of 4? Was this really what all medical school residents with families were living on in 2005? How where they doing it? I knew several of his friends were married with children, but I didn't know them well enough (and never saw them) to ask "how much do you get"?  I am convinced that we probably could have had a more comfortable medical school experience had I been in charge of the student loans. I left everything related to financing school to him, and I took charge of all our personal finances. And I'd say I did a bang up job, he would too!

It is a little late to worry about it, 5 years after the fact. But it would have been nice. I try to remind myself that even if we would have had more money, in the form of loans, we would probably be repaying on them like we are now. If I thought the $250/month we are paying on his private loans was bad, I can only imagine what they would be had we taken out more. In the end it is probably best my husband didn't acquire more loans. We were poor, but we were happy.

And then I read about wives who are doing the research on residency programs, fellowship and job opportunities. I've always assumed the person best qualified to do that is the doctor himself. Should I have been (be) doing more for him? I don't know how I could have. He knows where to look. He has the contacts. He knows what he wants to do. I can steer him to a particular geography but really he is the most qualified person to do it, and I let him. Of course, he consults me and I offer my suggestions and preferences. He isn't just a big boy, he is a doctor! If he can operate on a persons brain, surely he can figure out how to land his own job. He's proved his competency with choosing residency, and fellowship. I trust he'll find us a good job in a good location.

Truthfully, I'm excited hear the list of possible job opportunities and start the interview process just so I can start researching cities again. In the meantime, I'll stick to doing what I know and learning what I don't and leave the doctor stuff to him. I have my hands full.

1 comment:

  1. Hmm. I never really thought about researching residency or fellowship programs. I figured - like you do - that my husband is a grown up and this is HIS career, so as long as I have a say in the rank list.

    I guess I understand the desire to be involved, and to be able to make educated contributions to the rank-list discussion... but eh, I'm too lazy.

    P.S. I had no say in the loan procurement process either. See above RE: lazy.


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