After 5 years and 2 months of residency you would think that a seasoned pro like myself would have the skills necessary to avoid rookie mistakes. You would be wrong, and so was I. I have the optimistic tendency to think that "this time will be different", when all past experiences are to the contrary.
I was warned last night that today had the potential for being one of those days. The long ones that seem to go on forever, and are particularly unwanted after a long week. But when I got the call that said the late afternoon case had been cancelled I was thrilled. Even more so because it also came with a social invitation complete with free babysitting. We had been invited to dinner with three other couples from our church, one of which had daughters of a babysitting age that they were volunteering. We just had to show up! Why is that the hardest part?
At the time of the phone call it was 2:30. DrH said he would call after his case but it would probably be close and I may have to meet him there. Dinner was set for 6:30. Can you guess what happened next? You are so smart. Smarter than I am. I made dinner for the kids, put on make-up (I wasted good make-up), and waited for the call. As it got closer to 6:00 I had a sneaky suspicion that it wasn't coming. And it didn't come until 8:00 pm. Good thing I didn't get dressed! See I wasn't that optimistic after all.
My rookie mistake was in telling the kids that they were going to go to this particular home and jump on the trampoline and play. They were disappointed. I hate doing that to them. I hate that this happens to us. I want to have a social life. I want to eat dinner with friends. I want to talk to adults. I want to put clothes on and leave the house. As you can tell, it wasn't just the kids that were disappointed. I was too. I tried to soothe their pain with offers to get ice cream (when the baby wakes up), to play outside (but they wanted to go to park - baby sleeping), watch a movie. They are growing weary of this, too.
I told them that their dad will do something fun with them tomorrow. He doesn't know that yet, but he will. I've been entertaining all week and just don't have it in me. I do have a haircut scheduled for tomorrow afternoon that may take all day, but probably won't because I have an 8 week old that needs me. (By the way, I think four kids may be my limit - we're done).
Instead of eating the pizza I made for the kids dinner, I looked around for the sweetest thing I could find. Nothing, I need to go grocery shopping something fierce. The pizza I made - pepperoni with Mexican cheese, that's all we had in the house! I made chocolate covered popcorn for my dinner. How do I not weight 300 lbs? I do turn to food when I am disappointed, overwhelmed, tired, hungry, lonely. You name it yummy food is my answer. I need to fix that. What I also need to fix is offering food to my children when they are disappointed. That is not healthy behavior, but is sure tastes good.
This mistake will probably be repeated again in the future. But, you never know, next time may be different.