Some times the things that I read spark a new idea. Other times they give me a good laugh. And other times a good cry. And then there are things that I read that leave me feeling ... well, like I just received the scolding I deserved and needed. Read what sparked this here.
I found the article by pure accident, or was it? I was looking through a friends blog and clicking on links in her blog roll, and then another, and then there it was - calling to me. I knew it would hit a nerve the minute I read the title. And it did.
I am so guilty.
It makes perfect sense. This is why my children are always clamoring for time on any of our electronic devices. This is why my son sits on the desk chair swiveling around and around waiting to "do something". This is why my baby girl grabs at the phone when ever it is in reach. This is why my other daughter just asked "can I do something on the computer, pretty please". This is why my back hurts - I've been spending too much time in front of the computer. I haven't set a very good example.
In the past I have used the computer as a retreat, an escape. When things get rough, when I am feeling down, alone, angry, bored... and those feelings come up more often then I would like to admit, I find solace with a keyboard and a screen. I find comfort in routine and for a while now "this" has been my routine when no other existed. There is no other way that I have found to pass the time that works as effectively, and that seems to be the mode I have been operating in for some time. What feels like 10 minutes turns out to be a hour or more.
I don't know if it was the move, the summer that never seemed the end, the stress of starting over again in a new city, or dealing with extended family drama (possibly of my own making, at this point I don't know). Whatever it was I chose to deal with it one way when there were probably other ways. I should try exercise again, it worked before!
I can add "I am almost done" when my children ask for something to yesterday's list of things I wish I didn't say. I say it far too often, and just did. I am blogging, while watching Netflix, congratulating myself on my multi-tasking skills while one kids naps, the other plays Xbox, the other is watching a movie and yet another is begging to do something on the computer. If identifying the problem is the first step to recovery - mission accomplished.
Starting today I am instituting Hands-Free Wednesdays. This blog will be going silent on Wednesdays of each week. In the presence of my children I will no longer be checking my phone, iPad, laptop, or desktop. With this many kids there are always children present, so the easiest way to deal with it is to remove it altogether - at least for a day. You know, start small and conquer one day at a time. I used to operate that way... before. I could do it again. And now that I said it, I will.
The world will not end if I don't have something to say 5 days a week. A mid week break will do me good. Thank you for reading... I still have lots on my mind and my husband is tired of hearing it.
Wish me luck - it isn't going to be easy.