Monday, November 7, 2011

Was I Dreaming?

I've been counting down the days until DrH returns and I think he came home last night. I think it was around 9:00 pm and I remember (or do I?) talking with him for a few hours before going to bed. But then I woke up this morning and he was gone. Was I dreaming?

I was feeling sorry for myself, yet again, when I was reminded that I am not the only one that misses him. This morning my son asked where dad was. I told the kids he was coming home on Sunday night. True, but what I failed to take into account was that dad would be getting home after they went to bed, and would be right back to work at 6:00 am and would be on call that day/night, and they might see him Tuesday... maybe? I didn't lie to my kids, but I almost wish I would have just told them he would be home on Tuesday. It probably doesn't even matter, they are used to this lifestyle and haven't known anything different. They don't complain. But I still feel awful that they have to miss him a couple days more.

I will say that things seem to be on an upswing in our family, which makes me nervous that something bad is getting ready to happen. You know that feeling when things just start getting too good that it can't last long? I have that feeling. Or maybe that is just me sabotaging myself. It wouldn't be the first time.

We had a great talk last night. I got to hear all the latest gossip from home. It's like watching our very own mini soap-opera played by a cast of characters we personally know. There are so many people, a few in our own families, whose marriages are on the rocks or are crumbling. My heart breaks for them, and I am quick to see where they can improve... I can't help myself. It is so much easier to see what things could be better when you are the outsider looking in, not so easy to critique your own relationship.

How have we escaped? In analyzing our relationship there are many things that we could do differently or better, and we try.  In the end, the one thing we truly succeed at is commitment and perseverance. We love each other, we are committed to our family, and choose to do what has to be done to make it work.  Sounds simplistic, but it's the "what has to be done" that is tricky, and hard to put a finger on, it's a moving target. That doesn't mean we always get it right, but we don't let it stay wrong for too long.

I've often thought the reason our relationship works is because we are both so busy there isn't a lot of time to spend in fault finding. We don't argue about who is carrying the largest burden, or who has the short end of the stick in every situation. I know that he is working hard. He acknowledges that the work I do at home is equally as important and difficult. I try not to fault him for things that are out of his control, and he doesn't criticize me for the way I keep the house, or manage our finances, or spend my time. Trust me, there are plenty of things we could choose to nit-pick each other about. Just writing this brings several to my mind:-) If he were home more often, who knows what might happen!

We aren't perfect by any means, but we are trying. We have survived the last 8 years, and by all accounts will make it out of residency with our relationship in tact. It will be over before we know it (or so I tell myself)!


  1. Ohhhhhh I needed this post.
    I am the worlds WORST "well you chose this so this is why we are in THIS predicament!" and that's so so so so SO bad. Yes, he chose to be a doctor. Yes, he chose to quit residency and start again. Yes, he chose to go to some god forsaken island to take this training - but he chose it, and I support him. I support that he is doing the unthinkable (not many people would do med school TWICE) and changing his career so that he can provide a better future to me, my children and our future children. I have to get better at showing him this.
    I swear the blog land has blessed me so much (and saved my relationship numerous times!)
    Glad the hubs is home!

  2. That's so true, what you do at home is equally important. And it's not the quantity of time, it's quality time for sure.


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