Remember the Public Service Announcements they used to play on the television in the evening asking parents "do you know where your children are". If you were a child of the 80's you probably remember hearing them. If you heard them, and I heard them, I guess that means we were up too late, because they were intended for our parents to hear, not us. We knew where we were!
"It is 9:30 pm, do you know where your husband is?" I hear the announcer, and I am startled. NO! I don't know where my husband is. I don't even know where to look. I don't have a single contact number. I have his number, that's it. And if you remember I only have 1 bar, so there is a chance my call won't even go through.
Days like these I start to freak myself out. And I don't freak out easily. Maybe it has something to do with being in a new city/hospital/neighborhood/house.
DrH left this morning at 5:45 am. I got a text from him at 1:05 pm saying he was starting his last case. He told me a little about it last night as he was studying for it. I knew it was going to be a long one, but I didn't expect it to be this long. It is 8 hours later and I haven't heard anything.
I am not used to this. I mean, I am - and I'm not. It has been a while, and I am out of practice. Before I would usually get some kind of warning. He isn't on call. And then the past three months I haven't been present to panic when he didn't get home, I was in another state (maybe I should have worried more then).
At what point do I start to panic?
I realize that is ridiculous, he is a doctor - these things happen. I roll with the flow. I always have.
But what if something DID happen?
He is exhausted. He was on call this weekend and we didn't see him. Monday was better, but he was up late studying for this case - he is still sleep deprived. He knows he is sleep-deprived. I know it is bad when he is the one to admit it.
His commute from the hospital is 20 miles. A lot can go wrong in 20 miles.
How long would it take for me to be notified if something did go wrong?
It's no good worrying myself, playing the "what if" game, hopefully for no reason. But I don't think I will be able to sleep until he gets home. Looks like I am going to pull a late night, too.
Update: by 10:30 pm I did hear from him - all is well, he will be home soon. Nights like this one make me wish he had a more predictable job.