"It is 9:30 pm, do you know where your husband is?" I hear the announcer, and I am startled. NO! I don't know where my husband is. I don't even know where to look. I don't have a single contact number. I have his number, that's it. And if you remember I only have 1 bar, so there is a chance my call won't even go through.
Days like these I start to freak myself out. And I don't freak out easily. Maybe it has something to do with being in a new city/hospital/neighborhood/house.
DrH left this morning at 5:45 am. I got a text from him at 1:05 pm saying he was starting his last case. He told me a little about it last night as he was studying for it. I knew it was going to be a long one, but I didn't expect it to be this long. It is 8 hours later and I haven't heard anything.
I am not used to this. I mean, I am - and I'm not. It has been a while, and I am out of practice. Before I would usually get some kind of warning. He isn't on call. And then the past three months I haven't been present to panic when he didn't get home, I was in another state (maybe I should have worried more then).
At what point do I start to panic?
I realize that is ridiculous, he is a doctor - these things happen. I roll with the flow. I always have.
But what if something DID happen?
He is exhausted. He was on call this weekend and we didn't see him. Monday was better, but he was up late studying for this case - he is still sleep deprived. He knows he is sleep-deprived. I know it is bad when he is the one to admit it.
His commute from the hospital is 20 miles. A lot can go wrong in 20 miles.
How long would it take for me to be notified if something did go wrong?
It's no good worrying myself, playing the "what if" game, hopefully for no reason. But I don't think I will be able to sleep until he gets home. Looks like I am going to pull a late night, too.
_________
Update: by 10:30 pm I did hear from him - all is well, he will be home soon. Nights like this one make me wish he had a more predictable job.
That has to be so hard! I would feel the same... worried and not knowing when to panic! That's tough.
ReplyDeleteThis happens to me ALL THE TIME! So, we have a system...
ReplyDeleteHe calls before he scrubs in for his last case.
I cook dinner.
It's done.
We haven't heard from him.
We eat. Put plate in oven for him.
He eventually calls when he's done to say he's coming home.
I can sleep.
Sad, huh?
Aww, I hate worrying, so this sucks! I think having him call or text when he's done is a good system. If he calls before he's going into surgery and then you don't hear anything, you know he's still safe in the hospital. If you know how long his commute should take, then you can start timing from the time he leaves the hospital. My boyfriend is uncannily good at figuring out how long it should take me to get to his place. I'll text when I'm leaving home or the hospital and if I can't find parking, I'll get a text saying, "I know you're circling the block. I'm coming out to park the car." I'm always like, "Whaaa...? How did you know?" and he'll calmly say, "You should have gotten here 5 minutes ago."
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy I just found your blog for the first time! I definitely feel your pain. I'm married to a PGY4 Ortho resident and have been in this exact same situation- knowing things come up but still sitting at home freaking out because I haven't heard from him in 5+ hours! Even when they call or text before their last case, you're still not expecting it to take THAT long. Hang in there :) I recently started a blog not too long ago to help vent my frustrations- www.thewittylife.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! Blogging is a lot of fun, and you are sure to make some fantastic friends. I just checked out your blog and think I am going to have to start eating a bit more healthy myself:-) Welcome.
DeleteLol! Glad I'm not the only one! This rotation has been better, but there have been many, many nights like that!
ReplyDelete