Monday, August 13, 2012

I Strongly Dislike It When...

We were at dinner Sunday with a new couple that we met at church. It was a great evening, and then things got awkward - for me. My husband started saying something that made me cringe. He was trying to give me a compliment, and he is always very complimentary.

What a crazy concept: my husband says something nice about me and I get uncomfortable. I am really flattered that he thinks so highly of me. I find it very endearing, but I still don't like it. Public compliments always have a way of backfiring, or at least in my experience they do.

In this particular instance, he was commenting on my amazing eye for decorating, and general ability to make things beautiful. I don't see what he sees. That may have something to do with his upbringing that didn't include a lot of creativity, and mine where there were many failed attempts at creativity. But we kept trying and occasionally things turned out.

Here we are sitting in the living room of a home that is beautifully decorated and accessorized. The hostess was obviously very talented and knew how to group items, colors, textures like a pro. Her DIY projects actually turned out looking like boutique quality wears, whereas mine are more like elementary school art projects. But I have fun.

My husband pointing out what he thinks is a talent of mine was like comparing apples to oranges. Or saying that just because I drew a couple of stick figures that turned out fairly well that I was also an artist. Or saying that I play the piano because I took lessons 25 years ago even though I haven't played a note in the last 15 years. Or that because one of the thousands of pictures that I took I thought was actually good enough to frame, makes me a photographer.

I do not like it when he talks about my skill sets in the presence of those same skills which are obviously at a whole other level. I know that it is probably because of my own insecurities. In my mind I could imagine them thinking "I would love to see their house", (after all it would be a doctor's house) expecting to be delighted, and all I could see was my house. No paint, no draperies, very few pictures on the walls, not much furniture, and our living in the "make do with what we have phase" of our life. These things are not going to change during the time that we know this couple so there would be no way to recover.

It sounds like the problem is more mine than my husbands, but that still didn't stop me from asking him, when we got to the car, to refrain from making my abilities sound more amazing then they actually are. What if they wanted me to help them with something, or play the piano, or take their picture? See where I am going? That would be humiliating to have them expect something I couldn't deliver on. I'd prefer to set the bar low and let people draw their own conclusions rather than having it set too high.

Please tell me I am not the only one. Then again, you are probably justifiably awesome :-) Wait, never mind I think this is the PMS talking - I will be fine next week.

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8 comments:

  1. I *totally* get what you're saying!! It's so hard when you're first getting to know someone new, without all the extra 'hype'. Plus, men view things differently than we do! We already have a habit of comparing our weaknesses to others' strengths. Having someone say we are really god at something ads extra pressure. That's one reason I don't always tell people I majored in music, because I feel like I should be way better than I am since it was my major, ya know? Don't want to disappoint them. ;)

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    1. That should say "really GOOD at something ADDS extra pressure." Oops... :) (See...editing myself. Gah!)

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    2. That is so funny Jilly! I read your first post and didn't see any errors... my mind corrected them for you. I had to go back and see what you were correcting!

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  2. Lolz @ your post. I *hate* when Resident Husby tells everyone that I speak different languages. The reason I speak different languages is because I am "ethnic" so no, Resident Husby, you don't have a cool wife that speaks exotic tongues for funsies.

    But I think it is too sweet that your husby even noticed your decorating skills. How wonderful that he notices what a beautiful home you have made for him and your children.

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  3. Well now I'm jealous....I don't know if my husband has ever bragged about me regarding anything (other than my BIG mouth) which really is not a compliment. Will have to quiz him on this tonight.:) Well I take that back...he likes to talk about my maiden name and family which makes me embarrassed when I'm drunk and he's drunk and people look at us like we're full of ourselves (which we are sometimes) but my family name has no bearing on any awesome skills I might have other than ... my big mouth. Going to work on this. You have brought up a fantastic point. Our husband's should revere some quality about us---even if it means we might disappoint future friends. I've got no PMS to blame...just pregnancy hormones.

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  4. It takes way more talent to make your living space look nice when you don't have much to begin with. If someone heard your husband and later comes by your house and thinks, "Gosh, I don't know what her husband is talking about, she SUCKS at decorating," (which seems pretty unlikely, but then nobody would EVER compliment my decorating skills) then that is their problem and not yours.

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    1. You are right, but then again I will not be posting pictures!

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  5. I used to feel that way, but now I just let him compliment away for as long as he wants to, because, inevitably, the conversation will turn back to medicine, blood, guts and everyone's ailments. It's nice to have a break from all that type of talk. ;) LOL!

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