I read this post over the weekend, from another blogger that I follow. My head was nodding the entire time. How many times have I thought the same things! Trying to balance negativity with honesty - that's tough.
Today I am nominating myself for an Irresponsible Blogger Award (it's not real, but maybe it should be).
You have seen blog awards floating around. I have been the recipient of a few, and if you nominated me I beg your forgiveness for not following through on the responsibilities that come with accepting them. I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. I had good intentions, but no follow through.
My Acceptance Speech
If I have inadvertently contributed to your suffering by detailing my perceived suffering I am truly sorry. Did you see my last depressing post yesterday? Don't read it if you have student loans greater than a house.
When I started blogging I was lonely, tired, overwhelmed, PPD (what do you call those same symptoms if they start right before you deliver, pre-PPD, I had it then too?). Consumed with what I thought was, figuratively, consuming me.
The good news is that it took nearly 5 years of residency and four kids to get there! And the difficult part is over, mostly. It is all up from here. Right?
Little snapshots captured in blog posts don't really paint an entire scene or do the journey justice. That was last year - I survived. I evolved. I know these years that have had defined start and end points will be ones I look back on with fondness, knowing full well that they are the kind of years that can only be viewed that way a few years removed from them.
There have been good times, great times, happy times - I hope I remember(ed) to include them. Sure there are days that feel like they will never end. Time, energy, emotions, money - all spent and in short supply. But that is life. Not just the medicine life, but we (med families) seem to have been given a heavy dose and the symptoms last longer.
No one promised us fairy-tale endings, and if they did - and you bought it, then yes it might be a little disappointing. The truth of the matter is we are responsible for making the most of what we have been given. Some days I do a better job than others. I just try again tomorrow, and the next day - and hope that one day I succeed.
One bad day, one bad week, one bad month doesn't make the journey itself bad - or miserable, or not worth taking. Thank heavens none of us knows what the future holds! Many of us would be scared out of our minds and would never take the leap. There would be a whole herd of frightened and cowering women huddled in the corner.
I wouldn't want that to be me, and I wouldn't want it to be you. Yes, this is hard. Yes, it is long. Yes, it is unpredictable. Yes, it is never-ending. Yes, it is expensive. But already we are beginning to see that it is worth it. Some things you can't attach a price to.
Remember YOU are strong. YOU are capable. YOU are prepared. YOU are ready. If you don't know it now, you will - trust me. Somehow I made it this far.
I also use this blog to give myself little pep talks from time to time. Thanks for indulging me:-)