Warning: Being married to a doctor also has the propensity to make one a hypochondriac.
Me: I have this sharp pain in my side, under my rib cage. It comes and stabs me and then is gone. Usually when I turn or have just taken a deep breath.
Dr: Oh, that's costochondritis. Don't worry about it.
Me: I think there is something wrong with my reproductive system. I have cramping on one side but I'm not even close to my cycle. Could I have a tumor or a bursting ovary? Can they do that?
Dr: What you are feeling is mittelschmerz (he says it with a fancy German accent). Perfectly normal considering you should be nearing ovulation.
Me: You keep track of my cycle?
Dr: Yeah, its not that hard. But here, let me check (presses on my abdomen) - you are fine. Take some ibuprofen if you'd like.
Me: I promise there is something wrong with my hands. I have sharp pains in the middle of my palms that usually show up after I have been writing (with a pen or pencil) for a while. And I feel general weakness in my hands.
Dr: give me your hands (quick neuro exam) - there is nothing wrong with your hands. You don't have carpel tunnel. And I think that is an excuse so you don't have to rub my back (gentle tease). You are fine.
I swear every time I rub his back, I get that pain in my palms! I tell him it is because his back is so big and my hands are so small. This is the one thing I really wish I could figure out. Maybe I need to exercise my hands more.
Me: I have lost all flexibility in my lower back. Look, I can't hardly bend backwards. Shouldn't my range of motion be greater? Is it possible that my spine has fused itself together?
Dr: No. You just aren't very flexible.
There goes my optional career as a gymnast or dancer. He is a patient man:-)
Have a great weekend!