Friday, September 7, 2012

The Doctor Knows

One of the benefits of being married to a doctor (there are really too many to count - but there are equally as many obstacles) is that he has the answer for everything. Having all the answers also means that there isn't any seriousness taken to my claims of serious health problems.

Warning: Being married to a doctor also has the propensity to make one a hypochondriac.

Me: I have this sharp pain in my side, under my rib cage. It comes and stabs me and then is gone. Usually when I turn or have just taken a deep breath.

Dr: Oh, that's costochondritis. Don't worry about it.

Me: I think there is something wrong with my reproductive system. I have cramping on one side but I'm not even close to my cycle. Could I have a tumor or a bursting ovary? Can they do that?

Dr: What you are feeling is mittelschmerz (he says it with a fancy German accent). Perfectly normal considering you should be nearing ovulation.

Me: You keep track of my cycle?

Dr: Yeah, its not that hard. But here, let me check (presses on my abdomen) - you are fine. Take some ibuprofen if you'd like.

Me: I promise there is something wrong with my hands. I have sharp pains in the middle of my palms that usually show up after I have been writing (with a pen or pencil) for a while. And I feel general weakness in my hands.

Dr: give me your hands (quick neuro exam) - there is nothing wrong with your hands. You don't have carpel tunnel. And I think that is an excuse so you don't have to rub my back (gentle tease). You are fine.

I swear every time I rub his back, I get that pain in my palms! I tell him it is because his back is so big and my hands are so small. This is the one thing I really wish I could figure out. Maybe I need to exercise my hands more.

Me: I have lost all flexibility in my lower back. Look, I can't hardly bend backwards. Shouldn't my range of motion be greater? Is it possible that my spine has fused itself together?

Dr: No. You just aren't very flexible.

There goes my optional career as a gymnast or dancer. He is a patient man:-)

Have a great weekend!



  1. I'm smiling ear to ear! You are so right! I am now a germ-a-phob. I try not to touch anything that could be contaminated. I think I am the only mother who tells her kids not to hold the hand rails on escalators or stairs. :)

  2. True, once they are pretty far along or done with training they're pretty good at proving our ailments are not serious.

    But, as a med student, my husband decided that since I was drinking a lot of water (about 3-4 liters a day) I was probably diabetic and even made me see an endocrinologist. I was fine.

  3. Hahahahaha! I get this too. Me: "Dr. Husband, my _____ hurts". Dr. Husband: "you're fine" over & over & over :)

  4. Husband: Oh sorry I didn't hear you. You're on my "bad" side.
    Me: You know sweetie, unilateral hearing loss is almost ALWAYS a sign of a tumor or autoimmune disease. So either you are lying to me about this so-called hearing loss, and you just weren't listening, or you need to go see a neurologist like, tomorrow.

  5. LOL this is funny. Get one of those tong looking things at bed bath and beyond (less than $5) to rub his back. That's what I do...also use pressure from your elbows and wrists, not fingers. My hubby is quick to tell me how "I'm fine" too. And God forbid I try to make appointments for him. It literally sends him into a rage, but gets him to quit complaining. He is just "far too busy" to go to the doctor for a stiff neck that lasts for weeks or planter fascitus (spelling?) God love these men.:)

  6. Ha ha! Totally! I do that, too! "Look at my ____. That's not normal, is it? What do you think it could be?!"

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