Monday, May 23, 2011

It Could Be Worse

I remember when we were first dating and my then medical student was deciding on what speciality he was going to pursue. I knew what he wanted to do. He would tell me stories about being drawn to journals in that field during his undergraduate years. He warned me that it meant that he probably wouldn't be around much. At the time that possibility didn't seem like a bad thing at all. I had spent the last year living alone and was used to the peace and quiet that comes with that state. I believe I even told him that I enjoyed being by myself and didn't think that would be a problem.

There is a big difference between being alone, as in alone by yourself, and being alone with children, as in all by yourself. Having never had children I didn't realize how significant the difference would be. 

So here we are. Four kids later, and a lot of alone time - but not the kind I had imagined and thought I could cope well with. I am grateful that I am not truly alone. I am grateful that I have my children who provide free entertainment and dazzle me with nearly everything they say and discover. I don't think I could have managed this long without my children. My children have also been the tools responsible for meeting some of my dearest friends. They get this home body out and about in the real world among other moms. Play groups, museums, gym, dance lessons, library, school, we are never short on things to do to keep us busy and occupied.

In the end it could be worse. My husband could be in a job he hates, punching the clock to provide for his family, and miserable. Even if we don't get to be with him as often as we might like we know that he loves what he does, that he does this regardless of what they pay him (one day we hope it really pays), and that even though he may come home tired, he is never miserable. I'll take that over the other any day.

There have been two times during the course of this residency when I have just about had a break down and didn't think I could go on. This dear man would change his plans for me and our family in the blink of an eye. Not because his speciality doesn't mean that much to him, but because we do. I know that our happiness is ultimately his happiness. Knowing that he would do that if I asked him means everything to me. And because I know he would I will never ask. We've made it this far and we can make it farther. 

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