One of the personal improvement items I was going to work on this new year was my anger management. I'm not crazy angry. And maybe angry isn't the right emotion to describe how I am feeling. Rattled? Explosive? Stretched? The funny thing is that these emotions are not directed at my husband, they are at my kids. The DrH is like my Valium (if only I could get him to prescribe me something). When he gets home I mellow out. When he isn't home I am busy trying to get things done. With 4 kids I am plenty busy, but not much is getting done. Example: I am painting the bathroom (after repainting the ceiling). It took all day to paint a bathroom! It shouldn't have taken 8 hours to paint, but I was trying to paint and be mom. Kids need feeding, naps, movies changed, attention. It is so frustrating feeling like I can't devote all my attention to one task - ever. And the bathroom isn't really done, I need to to the second coat on two walls. Today it might get that paint, but it won't really be done for a few more days. Hardware to install, shower curtain to put up, mirrors to install, a bathroom closet to organize. It is coming together, slowly.
Because we are getting our house "in order" to sell, I have a house that is in chaos while I try to establish order. We have had boxes all over for the last two weeks, two bathrooms in various stages of improving, piles of things to donate and sell. I don't live well under circumstances such as this. It is not good for my psyche. I love organization, predictability, serenity, timeliness, quiet. I need to get this house organized and presentable so I can function properly. There are only 3 places in our home that are "perfect" right now, and they are all closets. The linen closet, the coat closet, and my closet. Periodically, I just open one of the closets and take in their order and neatness and then try to tell myself that soon enough the entire place will be in order again. Every mess I make brings me closer to that day. I wish I had a week just to myself. I know I could get this done and be done. Instead I know it is going to take much longer.
I've previously admitted that my mood is also altered by significant holidays (Christmas, Valentines, Anniversary, etc) and by upcoming life changes. We are approaching the moment we have been waiting for: residency will be over in 5 1/2 months. Granted there is a fellowship to start/finish, but we are nearing the sunset of this period of our life. It is like we have spent the last 5 1/2 years waiting so everything could happen in these last 6 months. Everything. We need to sell a house, find a rental in another state, find the "real" job. It's coming. It is going to happen. What used to be just a dream of what would be is now coming, and fast!